Being a beard has it's privileges. It has been reported that Katie Holmes uses Tom Cruise's private plane for monthly shopping trips to Paris. The return Los Angeles to Paris flight costs $200,000. This figure does not include hotel and shopping.

If Tom Cruise is looking for a cheaper, albeit fatter and less obedient replacement I'm game. Hell, I'll fly commercial as not to waste too much money. Seriously, what did Katie do before Tom and Tom's money. And how did she get away with spending more on shopping than he gives to Scientology?