My father, a single dad, had the misfortune of having no boys, and truthfully he had no clue what to do with us girls. I remember when I told him I got my period, he told me I had to “be careful”. It’s been YEARS and I still don’t know what the eff that means. But I digress.

Having no boys meant that someone had to learn to hook up the cable, and then the VCR, and then the DVD player. Yes. I’m that old.

Having no boys meant that someone had to sit and watch hockey with him (especially that one playoff season when my older sister set fire to the loveseat while sneaking a smoke and cowardly fled the family home, forcing me to sit every night for a week with my dad in the living room terrified that he would see the huge pit created by the smallish fire).

Having no boys also meant that us girls had to watch every kung fu movie and action flick that played on television until we finally got the second TV.

Because of my dad, I grew up loving action movies. I have a soft spot in my heart for Sly Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis. Even today, my DVD library contains “The Vin Diesel Movie Collection” (don’t bother, I feel no shame), “The Quentin Tarantino Movie Collection”, “The Guy Ritchie Movie Collection” and just about every blockbuster, and action flick from the past decade. I also own just about every Jason Statham movie, along with a healthy sampling of Dwayne Johnson, Will Smith, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and George Clooney. But they aren’t and probably won’t get to be “Collections” -don’t ask me why, it’s a complicated and confidential vetting process.

So with this in mind, on August 13, 2010 there is only one place you’ll find me.

Picture it: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren (Dolph Lundgren!!!!), Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger appearing in a film together, with guns (of course!). And explosions (obviously). Can you believe there are people on this earth who don’t believe there is a God.

THE EXPENDABLES (Lions Gate Films), co-written and directed by Sylvester Stallone (don't worry, like Gwyneth Paltrow and Kevin Costner, he too has an Oscar).

Besides, even if this movie is bad, it’s still going to be good!

"THE EXPENDABLES is about a group of mercenaries hired to infiltrate a South American country and overthrow its ruthless dictator. Once the mission begins, the men realize things are not as they appear, finding themselves caught in a dangerous web of deceit and betrayal. With their mission thwarted and an innocent life in danger, the men struggle with an even tougher challenge one that threatens to destroy this band of brothers."

Okay, so this is Rambo (not the first one) with friends, set in South America. The only way this movie could have been better, is if it Jean-Claude Van Damme was in it. And the only reason Van Damme’s not in it, is because the fool turned down a role!

Of course I know this isn't going to be "high art". But I don't go to the movies to see high art, I go to be entertained! If it is at all possible to have sentimental feelings towards aging movie stars, senseless violence and explosions, then this movie should bring tears to my eyes for reasons other than wasting $12.95. I cannot wait!



Check out the official THE EXPENDABLES website here.