SEX AND THE CITY 2 and THE PRINCE OF PERSIA had their asses handed to them this weekend, by SHREK FOREVER AFTER. Really, are kids this powerful?

Why are kids movies owning the box office?

I threw my money behind THE PRINCE OF PERSIA this weekend. I have no clue what it was about, or whether it was any good, I do recall Jake Gyllenhaal being hot as all hell, and wondering why the hell so many White people lived in Persia. Seriously, I hoped they shot this movie in England, because just about everyone was White and had a British Accent. Did I mention Jake looked good? Did I also mention I can't remember what the movie was about? I think that says everything right there.

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She did say this a few months ago, and that didn't turn out so well, so I have no clue why Celine Dion feels the need to over share at 14 weeks...

Celine Dion and René Angélil are expecting twins after 6 rounds of IVF. Congrats.

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I bought myself the greatest birthday gift ever this week, TRUE BLOOD Season 2 on DVD (I don't get pay channels, so yes, I am that behind). I picked up the series late Tuesday night after work, and because this show is so addictive, my life has been in upheaval ever since.

I get home pretty late from work each night, around 7:30 pm. My friend Rabin has been doing a contract job out in the boonies and gets to my place after eight. So the two of us have been watching episodes of TRUE BLOOD Season 2 until about 1:30AM each night. We both have to get up at 5 AM to get ready to work. Needless to say, #Iamdeadtired.  Tonight we're having a marathon to finish this TRUE BLOOD Season 2, and then it's back to normal (after a bit of a sleep in) tomorrow.  Apologies.

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I'm kind of shocked about this.

For weeks we've been hearing Lindsay Lohan talk about "working".  She has been constantly using that verb. I for one, thought "I've been working" was the new street name for some prescription drug she's been abusing. But Lindsay Lohan really was working... or worked.

The producers of the film INFERNO released two new movie posters for the alleged Lindsay Lohan vehicle, shot by photographer Tyler Shields.
Neither of them screamed "70's porn star", more like "bad poster art". Truthfully, I'm still not sold this movie's getting made anyways. But good for Lindsay for taking home a couple hundred bucks for the shoot.

Poster source: Tyler Shields.

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Remember a few weeks ago, the Enquirer ran a story about NBC's Matt Lauer's wife dumping him because he was having affairs, including one with "Whitney Houston's sister," Alexis Houston. I ignored it, because I was pretty sure Whitney only had a brother (and the Alexis' busted wig was freaking me out). Alexis (below) denied the claim at a press conference, with Gloria Allred in tow. Matt also denied the affair too.

Well it turns out that Alexis Houston is a singer, but she's  not related to Whitney Houston. And here's hoping she didn't have an affair with Matt Lauer, because Alexis used to be a man. According to NY Post, Alexis went post-op 3 years ago. And might I add, a pretty good job was done, because I did not see this one coming at all.

While we're a progressive bunch, I don't think NBC's contract with Matt will survive him sleeping with a former man. I don't think middle America is ready for it. Then again, it would totally wipe Tiger Woods and Jesse James off of the tabloid pages. Crossing my fingers on this one!

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Marc Jacobs vacation steez will be the death of me. Remember back at Christmas with his boyfriend? Now Marc is doing casual chic with another 30 gazillion dollar Hermes bag and (are those) terry slippers?  I want to hate, but I'm just green with envy.

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I must admit this is an improvement (although I'm not sure how much of it is really hers). Lindsay Lohan went blond today after a 10 hour visit to her hair salon. I swear I thought my hairdresser was the only one who could keep you that long. She looks good in this shot, the face bloat and trout mouth are barely noticeable.

Of course...
From another angle, she looks like one of Tiger Woods bitches.

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My friend Rabin and I were discussing Tom Cruise on the way home for the movies Monday night. We were reminiscing about how effing great he used to be. How, in his older movies, he owned the film. Remember COLLATERAL or MINORITY REPORT or MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. I loved watching Tom on film. Then sh*t got bad.

When Tom kept his personal life personal, he was awesome. I didn't give a damn about his faith. I loved how he protected his kids from the paparazzi. I swear, you saw his son Connor when he was adopted, and then 7 years later. Now that I know too much, it's not the same.  Now that he feels the need to over share, he seems desperate.

Tom Cruise covers Esquire magazine. The first thing I thought when I saw this cover is, "nice shirt". 

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TRUE BLOOD is testing my ass. Season 2 came out yesterday (I'VE ONLY WATCHED ONE EPISODE SO FAR!!!) and HBO is teasing me with clips of Season 3.

What's a broke-ass bitch with no cable supposed to do? Some kid in China better upload this to the net.

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Source: Daily News

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Lindsay Lohan at her probation violation hearing today. She looks like a villain on a soap opera. Damn, 23 ain't what it used to be.

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I guess when you're broke ass, you can't afford people (that's my excuse anyways). Watch her interview with Hollywood.TV.

Lindsay Lohan goes to court to face the music in about 10 minutes.

Can you say #slaponthewrist?

Seriously, she missed a court appearance to be in Cannes -for WORK. It's not like she was drunk and drugging up in some bar. Leave Lindsay Alone!

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Just Asking
WHICH late-night TV host is having Tiger Woods-like problems? One woman has already come forward, but at least one more is looking to sell her sordid story.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: David Letterman -at least it will be good for ratings.

Source

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Canadian Hip-Hop artist Drake and all his pretty, covers Billboard magazine. He still looks like a little boy to me.

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Is this what gay porn looks like?

Because in my mind, this is what gay porn looks like (all shiny and tin foily and sh*t).  The Hotness that is Marc Jacobs is selling Cologne? Perfume? I'm thinking this ad is for the boys. Although it if were for the girls, I'd definitely go in for a sniff.

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Blind Vice! Keep Your Friends Close, Druggies Closer!

We know we promised we wouldn't talk about Morgan Mayhem anymore—until she cleans up her act, that is, which she so totally is not doing—so we apologize for bringing the dreaded M2 back into the mix. Had to.

The good news? This Blind Vice isn't entirely about nasty old Morgs, it's more about the young Hollywood bestie that's getting the Mayhem 101 in "How to Be Bad."

Meet Strawberry Snort'Em, a rising diva known for her mildly wild ways, who's picked up one of M.M.'s nastier habits…

Coke, a Mayhem fave (tho she'd tell you otherwise, obviously).

You wouldn't know it, but S.S. and M2 are quite close—as in share-a-gay-BFF close, the ultimate bond in H'wood. Thing is, Strawberry knows Morgan's rep and wouldn't be caught anywhere near her.

Even on Twitter, where Morgs desperately tries to chat our newest B.V. vixen up but never gets as much as a pity @reply.

But when Strawberry doesn't think she'll be caught, she's got absolutely no problem getting Morgan-level wild! And for a chick who's so friggin' concerned about what people think of her, S.S. isn't so discreet about her bathroom behaviors.

Maybe she figured it was an unspoken code of T-town? "What goes on in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom…"

Well, a few someones are blabbing.

Fellow clubbers on this specific night were too pleased to spot S.S. and M2 snorting away in the trendy L.A. hot spot's posh bathrooms.

And while Morgan went on to much more tabloid-talked-about antics that night (as she always does), Strawberry avoided the press and instead pissed off the other partyers with her coked-up craziness.

Strawberry was completely out of control, dish our club sources, telling us S2 was even climbing on statues within the club. S2's got a name that carries clout in Hollyweird, so security obviously didn't step in to stop her, even though the other club-hoppers were complaining.

Hey, this is Hollywood, people, if you don't like the way the starlets play, get out of the damn clubs, right?

With Morgan as a role model, we're terrified of what may become of sweet Strawberry Snort'Em. Cross your fingers, folks, because we'd hate to see S2's career—and personal life (what would her dude think?)—go down the drain like Morgan's.

It Ain't: Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, Ashley Greene

The Gossip Wrap Up Guess:  Strawberry Snort'Em -Katy Perry, Morgan Mayhem-Lindsay Lohan.

Source

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TMZ is posting photos of Lindsay Lohan trip to Cannes (I swear anyone who took their picture with her must of sold it). Look closely at the table in the left hand corner. Are those lines of coke behind the drink? Is that a cigarette in her hand or a straw?

She's not that dumb, is she?

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Especially those who have gotten really bad nose jobs. Janet Jackson's bad rhinoplasty is on display thanks to a new hair cut. Not a good thing.

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Nicole Kidman showed off her new breast implants in Hong Kong Wednesday night.

When I was young I had a friend who had strabismus. When we first became friends (keep in mind this was grade four), whenever I would talk to her, not wanting to be rude, I would look from one eye to the other eye, not sure which eye I was supposed to be focused on. Sometimes I would spend so much energy trying to figure out which eye I should be looking at that I couldn't pay attention to what she was saying (again I was in grade 4 and after we had our "discussion" about her condition, I never really thought of it again).

Nicole Kidman's breasts reminded me of this long forgotten memory. I should be looking at her face, monitoring her addiction to Botox, but instead I'm focused on her "boobies". You'd think that after spending that much money, the doctor could have given her breasts that don't resemble to halved oranges sitting on cement....Or not place them so close to her armpits....The same height would have been nice too...

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This C-Lister used to date a celebrity who is now on the A-List. He was drunk at the Chateau Marmont this weekend and was heard to describe her body as a “Raisin on Toothpicks.” We think he just has sour grapes over loosing her. Not Jonny Lee Miller.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I don't know if "loosing" is a hint, or the folks at Buzz Foto had the same grade 3 English teacher as me. Not Jonny Lee, how about Billy Bob Thornton then, with the ex being Angelina Jolie of course. Love her too death, but she has no waist. 

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Chris Brown will forever be "Punk Ass" to me. Convicted felon and abuser Chris Brown went after blogger Sandra Rose on Twitter yesterday. While Sandra is even harsher on Breezy than me, Chris being the stupid fool that he is decided to bring skin colour into the fight.

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Lindsay Lohan was out in Cannes last night desperately looking for her "stolen" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) passport. After an exhaustive search of this yacht, Lindsay went on to look for it in several bars and night clubs.

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Cinematic history will be made this weekend. Reliance BIG Pictures will launch the global release of KITES, a romantic adventure starring Indian superstar Hrithik Roshan and Mexican actress Barbara Mori on May 21, 2010. KITES will become the widest ever release for any Indian ‘Bollywood” production, playing in more than 2300 screens simultaneously around the world.

Shot entirely on location in Las Vegas, Sante Fe and Los Angeles, KITES tells the story of two star-crossed loves who are destined to be together even though each is betrothed to another.

On May 28, 2010, Brett Ratner Presents KITES: THE REMIX will be released. KITES: THE REMIX is an English language “re-edit” of the film by director Brett Ratner (RUSH HOUR, X-MEN THE LAST STAND) and will play in select theaters across North America.

My friend Rabin and I are seeing KITES this weekend, and hopefully ‘THE REMIX next. I love Bollywood films but I’ve only ever seen them on television or DVD, so this is going to be a treat for me. It’s also odd, because Bollywood movies play in at least 5 major movie theatres in Toronto every single weekend, and I keep meaning to go and never do.

KITES is playing in select cities in North America this weekend.

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TRANSFORMERS 3 is going to introduce a new hottie for all the boys to love, because über Director Michael Bay has decided to "freshen up" the franchise with a new love interest for Shia LeBeouf's "Sam Witwicky'.

In a surprising move, Paramount Pictures has confirmed reports that Megan Fox will not be returning to the TRANSFORMERS franchise after stories hit the net yesterday. Not surprisingly, Megan's reps informed People magazine that Megan decided not to return.

“Megan Fox will not be starring in Transformers 3," reps for the actress, 24, tell PEOPLE. "It was her decision not to return. She wishes the franchise the best.”

Yeah right, way to save a little face there Megan. I don't believe she didn't want to return. I do believe TRANSFORMERS 2 sucked ass, and they need to come up something other than ghetto robots to guarantee movie ticket sales. It was Megan or Julie White (Judy Witwicky) and you can't get rid of Mrs. Witwicky, 'cause she was the best thing in both movies.

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There are rumors swirling within the inner circle of this celebrity about her secret past. We all know about her rags to riches story, but what we don’t know is that she lived the life of prostitution for two years to get by.
Not Oprah Winfrey.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Well for those of us who used to read Panache Report before the "take down", Mariah Carey was the leading contender for a similar blind. There was another name, but my memory is faulty at this late hour. I'm discounting Charlie Sheen's ex, because that's openly discussed but never verified (so I assume it's not true).

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Times are tough and BET is not what it used to be. But using Justin Bieber to get ratings is sad.

BET nominations came out yesterday, not surprisingly, Jay-Z and Beyoncé led the pack.. Also in the running for Best New Artist, is Canada's own Justin Bieber.

Please don't tell me that music is colour blind. If it is then let's use that as an excuse to get BET taken off the air. Bieber's music sounds more like 50's bubble gum pop than anything influenced by "urban" music (and yes I know much of 50s bubblegum pop was watered down soul and rock songs written by black artists). But just because Bieber does a duet with Luda or Sean Kingston, and is produced by Usher doesn't make him BET material. Then again BET material is pure shite, so maybe that's the link?

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Little Louis Bullock doesn't seem to want to smile.


He don't know yet.

Like Zahara, David and Mercy before him, this kid just his the jackpot. He has won the mega millions, yet here he is on the cover of US Weekly lookin' like he's still in "the system".

He'll learn. He'll see.

If anyone knows of any celebrities that want to a adopt an older black female with "food issues" and great teefs*, please (PLEASE!) let me know.

*teefs:  1. What yur grill is made up of. 2. One of a set of hard, bonelike structures rooted in sockets in the jaws of hood residents. 3. Used for biting /chewing food or as a means of attack or defense.

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Did she really just become famous from a sex tape? What was Kim Kardashian's "career" before? Because after an exhaustive investigation, all I'm getting is Paris Hilton frenemy, Ray J and Nick Lachey's ex and retail.

Kim Kardashian continues to defy all logic and covers June's Shape magaazine.

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John Travolta and Kelly Preston are confirming that they are "expecting a new addition to [their] family." Travolta and Preston tragically lost their autistic son more than a year ago, and last week had two dogs run over at a Maine airport, are according to Star magazine, three months pregnant.

I wonder who's carrying this child. 47 seems rather old to be having a child considering their history. Hell considering HIS history, how'd she get pregnant?

Regardless, congratulations.

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These two costars from a big movie coming out have been hooking up in between takes of the film. They are both married and they are both loving husbands to their naïve wives out there.
Not Robert Downey Jr.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: "In between takes". Let's file this one under "Bullsh*t Blind".

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Hello! Canada celebrates the 50 Most Beautiful Canadians this week.
1. Justin Bieber
2. Michael Bublé
3. Evangeline Lilly
4. Celine Dion

***dead***

I'm actually going to buy this issue. If these are the top four, my fat ass has got to be in the top 20.

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Seriously, who are her people? Gossip Girl's Blake Lively on the June 2010 cover of Vogue magazine. Her second Vogue cover! #bestpublicistever

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This very wealthy diva has let her music career go to her head and her behind! One of her staff member claims that our star has two types of luxury toilet paper put into her bathroom each day. The paper is not on rolls and is not to be touched by human hands. The staff must first wear gloves when handling it. The diva then has each kind broken into squares and stacked into two separate containers. That way, depending on the day and the situation, the diva can chose which types fits her needs. Both brands are imported and very expensive.
Not Rihanna.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Too funny, I'm going with Fergie for this one.

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I loathe beauty pageants. I don’t see the point. We have Miss Canada competitions here, but they aren't televised and I have no clue where they find the women to compete. That being said, a little bit of American history was made this weekend. Rima Fakih, Miss Michigan was crowned Miss USA.

Rima became the first Arab-American and the first Muslim to be crowned Miss USA in pageant history. Not only is Rima beautiful, but she has mad skills too!
Rima was crowned Mojo In The Morning’s “Stripper 101″ contest winner in 2007. Miss USA - beautiful, Muslim and she can work the pole.

Progress people.

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I didn't mind this. I would have preferred if these little girls were wearing something else, something with more material. But I think I'm tolerating this because Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" was a huge hit, and they're biting the choreography for the most part.

That being said, if I were that age, and dancing in this clip the way these girls are, wearing those costumes, this would have turned out to be an entirely different YouTube video. If I had been dancing on that stage, at the 00:31 second mark when all the girls start doing the hip and bust thrusts, an angry black woman would have jumped on stage to beat my ass for acting inappropriately. Then my mother would have turned and gone postal on the dance teacher. But some people have different expectations  for their kids I guess.

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Halle Berry is the new Jennifer Aniston, but with a much better accessory.

"Suddenly single" Halle Berry continues her "I'm a fabulous mom" press tour with Lil Nahla.  Look how down to earth Halle Berry is, all of these "candid" photos we've been subjected to since the break up prove she's not "difficult" or "a pain in the ass to date".  Whatever.

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The marketing department over at HBO Films has been working overtime on SEX AND THE CITY 2. Everywhere I turn, there is some sort of product tie in. It's like TWILIGHT or a Disney film but for grown folks.

The women of SATC2 cover this week's Entertainment Weekly and look good doing so -thank God for photoshop.

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Lady Gaga was skinning her teeth after winning 4 awards at Germany's Echo Awards. Evidently, she wasn't aware that she was wearing one of the budget wigs from the Twilight Saga collection. I'm not even going to discuss the Frankenstein shoes.

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You all know I "Stan" for Rihanna. I don't care about her vocal challenges, this girl is the business (to me). So I was quite surprised to see this photo of my Caribbean queen out in London, sporting make-up like she was a mental patient. (Aside: Why do some crazy women wear so much make-up?)

I will not pass judgement on the leggings, because if you stare at them long enough, you'll find they're actually quite soothing.

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The latest Givenchy ad campaign features model Lea T. a Brazilian "with delicate features" previously known as Leo.
Givenchy's creative director Riccardo Tisci cast the transsexual model in the fashion house’s Autumn/Winter promo campaign as well as the runway show. Tisci says he used the transgendered model (who also works as his PA) in the campaign to illustrate the "masculine-feminine dichotomy" he is now known for.

And I have no clue which model is Lea T., which is the point I think.

On the flip side, casting Ciara as the House of Givenchy "muse" makes total sense now. Sorry I mocked you girl! Ciara's got that whole "masculine-feminine dichotomy" on lock.

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It's not just Oprah's O magazine that's celebrating its tenth anniversary. 10 magazine celebrates their tenth b-day with 10 covers feature the 10 fashion gods. I think they missed someone. Do you think they missed someone?

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