I want to apply for Katie's job. How is this b*tch getting good reviews on Broadway, when she can't even fake a marriage?

I'm tired of watching Tom Cruise practically breaking this girls arm walking her to the car. Hostages manage to walk with far more grace than this chick. Tom needs to look into getting her a leash.

Tom can pay me to be his wife. If I had access to his black Amex, I would be sporting the world's biggest grin in every f*cking photo. Can anyone hook me up?