I don't know why I continue to poke fun at "THE TWILIGHT SAGA...", because I've already booked my date to see the flick. And truthfully, I'm looking forward to it. Stephenie Meyers and the folks at Summit Entertainment are BLESSED. How else can you explain that millions of people want to see a movie with cheesy lines, budget special effects and the worst hair and make-up team in the history of Hollywood?  I swear these bitches came straight from a MuchFACT funded music video production.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE opens today.

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Bravo is really pimping the Lindsay Lohan episode of their new reality show DOUBLE EXPOSURE and they've just released another clip of Lindsay's appearance on the show. After watching it, I'm starting to believe that Lindsay was given the wrong time. I've been on quite a few sets that went into double overtime, and in every case there was a panic and fear in all the production executives involved. While these folks voiced their concerns, they didn't seem freaked. That much overtime for all the people involved in the show, that would be the people working on Lindsay AND the entire Bravo production would be ridiculous. They were all acting like she was just a couple hours late. Hmmm....

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TWILIGHT star Kristen Stewart arrived the David Letterman studios sporting a cute new hair cut. Loving the short cut and the colour. Of course the new cut  means she'll be wearing yet another hideous wig on the set of TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN next month.

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When did I get old?  Sixteen year old Taylor Momsem showed up at a gig with her band The Pretty Reckless in California looking like this.

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TMZ is reporting that Megan Fox married boyfriend Brian Austin Green in a private ceremony in Hawaii last week. Megan 24, and Brian 36, announced their engagement a couple a weeks ago after the TRANSFORMER star was terminated by director Michael Bay. This is the first marriage for both.

If you recall, Megan showed up 10 days ago at the JONAH HEX premiere looking like this:
Which means, she went walking down the aisle looking like she was suffering from an allergic reaction to something.

PROOF!
The Daily Mirror has shots of Megan and Brian in Hawaii with their rings on.
Hmmm..... How convenient. Is someone in the process of a image make-over?

Source

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I spent a couple years doing payroll for a hair salon, and during that time I grew to despise hair weaves. While I've sported a fake ponytail once, that's as far as I went with the pre-packaged hair. If you've ever wondered why Britney Spears hair isn't getting any better, look no further than Naomi Campbell. Naomi has been rocking the weave since the 90s, and while it may look great in the glossy magazines, the reality is not too pretty.

15 years of fake hair has left Naomi Campbell partially bald.
At least she still has that face...

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I've already documented my bizarre compulsion for "completeness". I must own every sequel, once I've seen one. I have to have "the whole set". My life needs complete series. So naturally I purchased Stephenie Meyer's The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner.

On the plus side, you should be able to read this thing in about an hour. To list the negatives would make this one of those "TL;DR" posts.

Stephenie Meyer's The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner has sold 1 million copies since its release on June 5. So who are the other 999,999 fools?

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HollywoodLife.com created a "calendar of events" documenting Lindsay's outings in the month of June.  This is a young woman on probation, actually this is a woman on probation and on probation for probation violation.  So how comes this bitch has a more active social life than me?

By the way, which religion has Wednesday as their sabbath? 'Cause that's the only day Lindsay stays home.

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Marie Osmond lost one of her children to suicide last year, and instead of sitting at home wallowing in self-pity, guilt and grief, she took her ass to the plastic surgeons office. #lessonlearned.
I'm trying to feel sorry for her, because she must still  be in pain...
But sometimes, it's best to keep the pain on the inside.

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I can't find a clean copy of Angelina Jolie's Vanity Fair cover. Three trillion photos on the internet and I can't find the ONE that I need.

Angelina Jolie covers the August edition of  Vanity Fair. The article seems like a good read, VF posted a teaser here. I may actually open up the wallet for this one.

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I don't watch BET, as I've said repeatedly, I have no clue which black people they are trying to entertain, but it sure as hell ain't me. But the BET Awards went down last night and everybody [black] who used to be somebody [black] was there.

Kanye West and the medallion that housed his ego, opened the show.
Alicia Keys borrowed some pantyhose from Beyoncé and performed. Note to the folks over at Spanx, you really need to make some hose in colours for black folks. This is ridiculous.
Usher rose from the ashes smoke.

Lifetime Achievement Award Winner Prince. If Prince got old, then I'm getting old, so I'm not saying anything. ...other than, this is freaking me out! When did Prince get old?
Chris Brown performed at the Michael Jackson tribute. He was banned last year because of the beat down on Rihanna. Brown, and what's left of his camp decided to take full advantage of the forgiving nature of black folks, so Chris balled his p*ssy little ass off. Because Michael Jackson's death, one year later, is so much more painful for Chris. He was probably crying because he was so grateful to be invited to the party.  #publicitystunt

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In just a few more days TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE will be taking over the box office. I for one will be relieved. It's been a crappy movie crop this year, and I am hoping I will finally really enjoy a TWILIGHT SAGA film. Considering the movies I'm most looking forward to this summer are PREDATORS, SALT and THE EXPENDABLES maybe you shouldn't be trusting my movie judgement right now.

TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE held their Los Angeles premiere last night.

Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. It does look like Taylor Lautner has grown a couple of inches. But I'm still trying to wrap my head around Robert's burgundy suit.
Kristen Stewart -I would cut off her legs and wear them, but they're the wrong colour.

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Katie Holmes needs to leave Tom and Suri at home a lot more often. Here she is promoting her upcoming flick THE ROMANTICS with co-stars Malin Akerman and Josh Duhamel. She looks gorgeous.
Has she ever looked so genuinely happy with Tom? Loves Malin too -she's wearing a hoodie with her outfit! I'm green with envy.

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Nylon magazine celebrated their annual music issue with a party at the Mondrian in LA. Every month this mag has a party in which various D-List celebs show up. They must not do any advertising for the mag, instead the staff spends their marketing money on getting drunk with lesser celebs. Pretty smart if you ask me.

M.I.A. showed up (she has an album coming out, so I forgive her).
Supermodel Agyness Deyn, who hasn't been looking so super lately. Food and hair are not the enemy.
Lindsay Lohan needs to accept that her days of going bra-less are long gone.

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CheapAssNess

Tori Spelling says that everybody hates her from 90210. No doubt. But more people probably hate this other bitch who has virtually alienated all of her former costars and is widely known to be a pain in the ass but for some reason enjoys a popularity and a paycheque usually reserved for much more accomplished actors. So she’s rich now, yes, but that doesn’t mean she’s generous. And she’ll gouge you while she can, so aggressively that she was reprimanded by executives recently for trying to wrangle cash money out of the budget to pay for her hotel suites. Not an expense account, but straight up CASH. Apparently she was so belligerent about getting a free ride, and using her free ride cash money in other shady ways, so relentless with the demands, the people on the receiving end were emotional wrecks by the end of her tantrum. This was abuse. But there’s a history here: she’s already been rejected by her former bosses for insisting that they contribute to the furnishing of her personal residence and for inexplicably requesting that they cover the cost of her mother’s car. Every time they said no, she would call it an injustice, adding to a long list of perceived injustices that she claims affected her performance. People have been trying and trying to excuse her f-ckery. There is no excuse. She is not kind, she is not gracious, and she is cheap as sh-t.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Katherine Heigl

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Do you think the fake fur is too much?

Adam Lambert is f*cking killing me with this get up.

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We need to hold hands and have a prayer circle for Lindsay Lohan. The devil is strong, and he keeps coming for her. Maybe someone can get Lettie Mae Thornton on it...

Lindsay Lohan is under attack again. This time it's by the unscrupulous people over at Bravo Television (hey they ARE responsible for those REAL HOUSEWIVES OF...shows). Lindsay Lohan is set to appear on the the new Bravo reality show DOUBLE EXPOSURE, a series showcasing celebrity photographers Markus Klinko and Indrani and their work. In the episode called 'Is Lindsay Here Yet?,' Lindsay shows up ELEVEN hours late to a photo shoot that happened last fall.

Lindsay of course, claims (via Twitter), that it was a set up. It wasn't her fault. That she was intentionally given the wrong call time.

I can see Bravo doing that. I can see some clever producer maybe giving Lindsay a call time that was 3 hours later than everyone else's. But 11 hours? After 8 hours everyone behind the camera is on overtime. Two hours later, you move up to triple overtime. Would Bravo blow their budget that much?

Do you think Lindsay believes anything Lindsay says anymore?

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No, I'm not talking about the people who failed to catch her. I'm talking about the people who let Lady Gaga go outside wearing this redonkulous outfit.  Lady Gaga's art causes her to fall at Heathrow Airport.

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And yet, I still don't care. THE BACHELOR drama covers People magazine and Us Weekly.

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Rihanna and BF Matt Kemp leaving a restaurant. RiRi does not look happy. It must be Matt, because Rihanna's style is still fierce, what else could make her sad?
I'm starting to love the red hair though, she seems to have altered the colour a little bit.

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I firmly believe our interest in reality television has caused the current slump in gossip. These reality stars have made fame whoring look bad. Damn you reality stars! But they don't sell tabloids like the A-list can, and as we seem to be lacking cheating scandals this week, OK! magazine has gone back to the tried and true. Jennifer Aniston is having a baby. ***blank stare*** So why is she telling it to OK! magazine?

Unless Aniston is cheesing on People magazine, I'm not buying it.

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Yesterday the story broke about the break-up of THE BACHELOR couple Jake and Vienna. Huge story. Quick question: Why the f*ck should I care?!

A heartbroken Vienna (who?)  covers this week's Star magazine.

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Here we all were making fun of Lindsay Lohan. Calling her a "dumb ass" and "entitled" for failing to complete her compulsory alcohol education classes, after pleading guilty to a whole load of f*ckery she did while behind the wheel of a car. Hopefully you didn't use up all of your contempt on Lindsay because Nicole Richie is about to get served.

In 2006, back when Nicole Richie was publicly abusing, she got popped for driving the wrong way down a Los Angeles freeway. Well dumb ass number two has also failed to complete her alcohol education courses because she was too busy being a mom full-time mom. Yeah, like this bish don't have a nanny. Nicole's probation has just been extended until 2011.

Sorry, but I don't have a lick of sympathy for Nicole. It's not like she has a full time job, and kids AND these classes to do. It's also not like these alcohol education classes are a full-time course. We're talking an hour a week -afternoons or evenings. "Joe Blow" has to do them, but some how celebrities seem to think they do not.

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