Pregnant? No, just fat. In spite of Internet rumors claiming otherwise, Jennifer Hudson is not pregnant, or so her rep claims. I remember (way) back in university my roommate was congratulated on her pending "blessing" by a sweet old lady at the retail store we were both working at. Unfortunately, Karen she wasn't pregnant. Unfortunate for me, because I was stuck listening to the girl cry and moan all weekend about how fat she was, and how no man would ever want her. I was this close to bashing her head in with a bat by Sunday -you can only console someone for so long people. I wonder how Jennifer Hudson's taking it.

What the f*ck was I thinking. Vin Diesel? Clearly I was suffering from a momentary lapse of judgement. Forgive me. I've officially replaced Vin Diesel as my 'Hollywood Hot Boy'. Victoria over at the blog The Guys from Love Hate/Miami Ink, Vin is all yours baby (I am still keeping Ami James and Chris Nunez though -I like variety). Why is Dwayne Johnson not a bigger star. I'm officially in love.

Thing run a little differently up here in Canada. Our deadline to file taxes is April 30. As such, my ass is owned by my employer until then. Yesterday was the first truly nice day of the year, weather wise. It hit 27 degrees Celsius by about 12 noon (please don't ask me what that means in Fahrenheit, the rest of the world converted to metric several decades ago, it's about time the US of A joined us). Instead of sitting by some cafe enjoying the sun, I was trapped in an office with tinted window (none of which open) weeping quietly to myself while surrounded by personal tax returns. When it was suggested that I "sneak out early" - a massive thunderstorm with torrential rain struck. Ending my escape plans. This is what happens when God doesn't love you.

Hard-Nipple Nick is the hottest star, both bod-wise and at the box office. His wife's figure and professional goings-on aren't too shabby, either, as both Mr. and Mrs. Nick enjoy fame and fortune regularly up on the big screen—though his paychecks dwarf hers, big-time. Yep, everything's pretty cozy Chez Nick, even the bisexual couple's agreement to have lovers outside the marriage. Instead of his-and-hers towels, they have his-and-hers sex partners! And you guessed it, there's a girl for Mrs. Nick and... A boy for Mr. Nick! And like the smart have-it-all couple they are, the Nicks chose other famous people to be their closeted lovers. Too crafty! Only problem being Hard-Nipple's boyfriend is married to an established actress who's growing increasingly peeved over the clandestine arrangement. "He's starting to go out and fly him with him everywhere," a good friend to the Nicks told yours truly about Hard-Nipple taking the BF a few too many places as of late. "They're turning up everywhere together, and [the boyfriend's wife] is getting really pissed about it. It's going too far. It's only a matter of time before she spills." Guess all those pricey little gifties to the wife for borrowing her hubby aren't as attractive as they once were? Must say I'm a tad surprised to hear this latest development, as H.-N'.s always been one of the best in the Biz about keeping his preferred love life on the down-low. And now that it's flyin' high, guess a tabloid revelation is only seconds away from takeoff! Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Will Smith, Jada Pinkette Smith and Duane Martin and Tisha Campbell-Martin

Wicked whisper: Which closeted — and married — actor almost had his cover blown when he hit on a straight man in a sauna? Word is the offended dude is now quite wealthy, thanks to a payoff. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Got to go with John Travolta on this one.

Besides the Herpe, Lindsay must have something else going on down there. 'Cause Samantha Ronson can't keep away. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are back together, sort of. We all know Lindsay needs someone to help pay her rent, but I have no clue what's in it for Samantha Ronson. Samantha must not be getting the top coin for her gigs anymore. This relationship has trailer park written all over it. I thought someone would have talked some sense into Lindsay after her Ellen appearance this week. Who the hell goes on a talk show to discuss their breakup. Lindsay has got absolutely nothing going on, so she's just selling herself now? Other than Sam who the hell would want that hot ass mess? This can only end badly.

The conspiracy continues(click here or here for a refresher). My love affair with my local movie theatres ended suddenly. I am heartbroken. Week after week of sh*t is being served up by Hollywood. This week’s dish, Obsessed. Basic Instinct the minority version. I was erroneously informed that the “Beyoncé Thriller” (god save me) would not be playing in Canada. A lie I caught onto quickly, because every bus shelter in my neighborhood has had this movie poster staring at me since January. And people, I do not live in the ghetto, so clearly they’re not selling this as a “black film”. Will Beyoncé and her non-existent acting skills win the box office this weekend? If Miley and Zac can do it, you bet your ass Beyoncé can. F*ck Hollywood.

WICKED WHISPERS: Which hunky A-lister checks himself into swanky hotels under the alias "King Kong"? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: There are very few actors I would call "hunky" Hugh Jackman, Dwayne Johnson, and Daniel Craig are pretty much it. Hugh and Daniel are the only two that I consider "A-List" although Dwayne seems like the only one who would use "King Kong". This way my way of saying "I have no clue".

According to the PageSix, Lindsay has been sleeping around with a different guy each night, one of them a forty-year-old paparazzi. Dating paparazzi? Unless she’s still returning his calls, I’m thinking his tell-all is coming in about 48 hours. What in the hell is going to happen to Lindsay Lohan? Yes she’s skinny, but does she not have a mirror? Can she not see how her "lifestyle" (for lack of a better word) has destroyed whatever beauty she’s had. More importantly, who’s going to pay good money to see her skinny ass naked on stage? The days of the skinny crack head stripper disappeared soon after porn became a respectable career option. Most of those silly bitches look good. Lindsay could only look good to a blind person. You have to wonder, why Vegas is placing bets on this kid. How on earth is this going to end? For some reason she doesn’t scream happy ending. Do you think she’ll go Britney on us? I think her crash is going to be epic. And yet, I could care less.

I don't care whose team he's on. Hugh Jackman, here leaving is imprints outside of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, is divine.

WICKED WHISPERS: What music executive ditched his longtime girlfriend by calling the cops and having her physically removed from their apartment? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: no clue.

I loves me some Brad and Angie BUT... I bet this is the first time these two have been in a grocery store since they hooked up. They look all confused and scared. Brad can't remember where he parked the car (whispering: it's because you were driven there). Who are they kidding? Who wears heels like that grocery shopping unless your on your way home from work? People who get mobbed dropping their kids of at schools, have private planes, and can move houses every 4 weeks -by choice - do not do their own grocery shopping.

Wicked Whisper Which rehabbed actor is back on the sauce? He just can’t keep his hands off the booze when he’s in L.A.! Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: The Tudors star, Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Apparently Bollywood isn’t at all like Hollywood. Child stars aren’t pimped out by their parents and the studios for a quick buck. Well not the studios anyways. “Slumdog Millionaire" star Rubina Ali was almost sold by her dad for $200,000 to a “Dubai Sheik”. Fortunately for the kid, the Sheik happened to be an undercover reporter for the UK’s News of the World. Not so fortunate for the dad, because his ass is sitting in a jail cell right now (First rule of celebrity: fame sucks asshole). Let’s ignore the whole 'creepy dad who almost sold his kid as a sex slave for a couple hundred thousand bucks." Let’s discuss the real tragedy here. Does this fool not know how much this kid is worth? Can’t Bollywood give this kid a 3 picture deal? They don’t have kid’s TV shows in this country? Is the caste system in effect? Is she one of the untouchables? Someone better teach this kid some English get her a US Visa and sell her ass to Disney. There are a lot of brown people in the US surely their kids need someone to look up to. Hell, Disney has the white kid (Miley), the black one (the chubby girl with the bad eyebrows whose name escapes me, but I know she was on the Cosby Show!), the Latino kid (there are two actually Demi and the other one) and the Asian (again, I don’t know her name, but she’s been on 3 shows). Why no Brown Disney? Does Disney not do Brown? I’d tell someone to get Al Sharpton on this, but the fact that this black blogger only knows the white kid’s name, is kinda freaking my ass out right now. Does this mean I need sensitivity training or racism rehab?

Wicked whisper: Which young starlet demanded 17 free handbags after forgetting she needed to buy gifts? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I'm thinking this isn't someone new to the fame game, because 17 isn't a small number. Michelle Trachtenberg

Step away from the tranny Spice Girl, Lindsay. Lindsay Lohan and Melanie Brown hang out. Clearly Lindsay needs rehab if she's willing to be photographed with Z listers.

About 8 months ago I gave up on television. It was a combination of a couple factors, first and foremost there isn’t anything on anymore. It’s all crap. And secondly, the coming of digital cable. When I was a kid, TV’s didn’t come with remote controls, we rented a “converter” from the cable company. You got like 28 channels. Then the new televisions and VCRs had all the channels available, so you didn’t need to rent “a converter” from the cable company. Flash forward twenty years and the television manufacturers developed a pretty “flat screen” television. One that came with a short life span and surprise you needed to once again get a converter from the cable company. This time it was a “digital” signal. I am not a lemming. I don’t not blindly follow every trend that comes my way, and I know when I’m being taken for a ride. No one can tell me that the television manufacturers and the cable companies weren’t in cahoots on this one (much like oil and gas and the car manufacturers). So for those reasons I returned my digital box to Rogers and said adios television –well that, and the fact that my neighbour has a 62” plasma television and I couldn’t compete. But I was fine with my choice because, any show I wanted to watch, some kid in China has put it online. And I love movies. I pretty much watch a movie a night. Some people go to sleep to music, I go sleep to a movie, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butchers Bay or Constantine. Those films are better than a Brahms’ Lullaby to me. Something happened somewhere between seven and 17 years ago. Something that would alter the course of pop culture forever. Something that would f*ck with my movie going experience. The birth of the tweens. What the hell is happening at the box office? Two weeks ago the insufferable Miley Cyrus was number one. This week Zac Efron opened number 1. People, he opened number one in a movie that has been made about 15 times in my life time. Moreover, this makes two winning opening weekends each for these two. This means more movies from these two, and others who look and act just like them. Tweens have no money, they're too young to work, so someone must be buying their tickets for them. I curse you. I double curse you! I cannot even show my face in a theatre for fear that someone might mistakenly think I’m going to see either of these two flicks. I know May is right around the corner and June and July follow. So soon I’ll get to watch Wolverine and Harry Potter and other cool stuff. But Hollywood is torturing my ass right now. It’s like I’m in prison being motherf*cking gang raped. I know any minute a guard will pass by and break it up. But each second I wait feels like forever.

No words, except Mischa Barton wore this while promoting something.

Wicked whisper: Which rap titan sweats so profusely during shows that even hard-core female fans won’t go near him until he changes? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Rick Ross or Fat Joe, I'm leaning towards Fat Joe.

When it comes to beauty and fashion the French are more evolved than us. Elle Magazine French Edition proves this. This month they have launched their latest issue with an unretouched or photoshopped and make-up free models. Monica Belluci (who I think is the most beautiful celebrity out there, but my friends don't agree). Former Bond girl Sophie Marceau. And former top model Eva Herzigova.

WICKED WHISPERS: Which funnyman doesn't even bother to hide his drug habit? When pals come to visit his pad, they're just as likely to see baggies of cocaine lying around as they are to see throw pillows. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Is Jeremy Piven still considered a comedian? How about Jamie Foxx.

Lisa Rinna covers Playboy Magazine: The Miracle of Photoshop Edition.

I have serious trouble with this whole Robert Pattinson thing. What is with the young people today. They have no taste in crushes. What's with them lusting after all of these "sexually ambiguous" men? Robert Pattinson, Zac Efron, whose team are they on? These young girls today have no clue. When I was a kid we had taste in celebrity crushes. We lusted Prince and Michael Jackson and ... never mind.

Chris Brown better cop a deal quick. His career will not survive a trial. Rihanna lookin' blue and beautiful on the cover of Vibe Magazine.

It’s one thing to wish your Ex were dead after a break-up, but it’s another thing to admit it to the general public. Hulk Hogan revealed a little too much in his Rolling Stone interview. Rolling Stone reports. "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat," he told the magazine. "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it." While I admit that Linda Hogans’ choice in men leaves much to be desired (she can’t even get her Cougar Card with that hot mess she’s dating), referencing OJ is not really the way to go. Besides why the “your wife” “your bed” bit? If you’re in divorce court, she’s not “your wife” and why would you want that bed back? God only knows what’s growing in there.

So it begins, again. Angelina and Brad baby watch. Last weekend according to the tabloids, they were in India and Philippines trying to snag a baby with no luck. This week they're pregnant according to Star Magazine. But the question remains... Whose the Daddy? Really Globe Magazine? Angelina wants to have her brother's baby?

WHICH famous ex-wife should hire a less cynical bodyguard? At a recent Palm Beach bash, as she expounded unsteadily to other guests, her burly escort stood behind her and rolled his eyes . . . Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Ivana Trump WHICH singer/talk show hostess should be more careful where she shops? She was taken recently to a downtown storage facility where she bought $10,000 worth of luxury designer goods of dubious provenance -- not fake, but fallen off the truck . . . Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Jewel? WHICH wife of an NFL owner has let it all go to her head? She recently greeted a woman she's known for many years with: "I know you know who I am, but who are you?" The woman, dumbfounded, replied, "That's for me to know and you to find out." Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: no clue

WICKED WHISPERS: Which downtown club stays open well past legal hours? The biggest spenders sneak in around 5 a.m. and stay until 9. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I live in Toronto, and I doubt I would get in, so who cares?

I am not without heart. While picking on Jessica Simpson maybe one of my favorite past times, even I have my limits. According to the NY Post, when John Mayer was dating Jessica he appreciated her beauty far more than her brain. Not exactly shocking but here’s how this clown dealt with Jessica. "John used to tell Jess all the time, 'I'm really attracted to your spiritual side,' " a friend tells us. "He'd tell her that every time she opened her mouth to speak. It was a nice way of basically saying, 'Just sit there and be pretty, and don't ruin it with talk.' The sad thing is she started to tell people, 'I'm working on being more spiritual,' and then just sit there quietly." Who raised this girl? Dating him didn't even help her sell more records, how the hell did he stay in her life for so long. Hopefully this is not true. Hopefully this is part of her brilliant management team to make Jessica seem as pathetic as possible -in some effort to drum up sympathy. Good job, it worked.

Wicked whisper: Which young songbird not only had lipo on her stomach, but even got the “back fat” sucked out from under her bra line? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Hold up! You can get back fat sucked out! Why did no one tell me about this? I'm thinking Jordana Sparks for some reason.

At first I though Mariah Carey's ridiculous dress was an homage to Easter fashions. But she wore this nonsense to a fertility clinic. For picking out a dress like that, adoption needs to be put on the table. I hear little Malawian Mercy is still available.

...even the rich and famous can't get away with murder. Phil Spector was convicted of the murder of actress Lana Clarkson today, 6 years after he claimed she put his gun to her mouth and committed suicide in his foyer. I guess that was the best he could come up with. He should have just buried her body in the backyard. Phil Spector's mugshot is the business though. He doesn't look like he'll survive 6 months in the slammer.

Wicked whisper: Which troubled starlet is getting over a bad breakup with a member of the same sex? We just hope the latter’s current boyfriend doesn’t get wind of the girl-on-girl shenanigans! Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I'm throwing Hayden Panettiere and Megan Fox under this bus.

Or I Hate Social Networking Part Trois. I'm blogging in two languages now in a feeble attempt at driving traffic. So in what was clearly a case of "one upmanship" I joined Twitter last week (The GWU for those who wish to look me up) before my 60 year old boss did. My god, when did I get old? I've been on this thing 4 days, and I'm officially a Twitter Loser. People have thousands of "followers". When did I become uncool? I didn't sign up for uncool people! I immediately got one pity follower. Some guy named Steve who I don't know. Thank you Steve, whoever you are. Steve is probably some guy who works for Twitter whose sole job is to follow the newbies. He probably doesn't exist, he's probably a computer program. Can social networking make you suicidal? Is Demi Moore going to save me too?

This happened last Wednesday, and I’m still smarting over it. One of the senior partners at the firm I work at pulled me into his office. I’m the young one there, having successfully proved the theory that “Black Don’t Crack”, my co-workers all think I’m a good 10 years younger than I am. (That’s what a good eye cream and extra poundage will do people – erase/fill in wrinkles). Anyways, I get pulled into his office and he begins with “Explain something to me…” Now when this man starts with the words “Tell me about” or Explain something to me…” you know shit is about to go down. Because this guy, despite being 60 (and looking like he’s in his late 40s) is pretty up-to-date on everything. Except computers and the internet (he only knows porn, travel and business sites –which are oddly related). So the senior partner sits me down and says, I kid you not, “Explain something to me. What’s the difference between Facebook and Twitter.” Motherf*cker! Now this is when the bullshit starts to flow, because yes I have a Facebook account, but by my own admission I’m a Facebook loser. And Twitter, what the fuck is a Twitter, all I know is that John Mayer, Ashton Kutcher and Heidi Montag “Twitter”, and do I really need to be part of a group that let those losers in? So I explain him the difference between the two, so far as I think I know it. Then he asked. So why would one do one over the other. Again I bullshit. It’s kind of like the difference between MySpace and Facebook. One (in my opinion) is prettier, it attracted more kids, as a result, more advertising and widgets (same thing in my book), and then more people. Twitter is the new Facebook, as Facebook is the new MySpace. Again I bullshit, because I have no clue. Then he asked the question, that I knew was coming but I prayed would not. “How many friends do you have on Facebook?” Jebus, Mary and Holly Robinson Pete. Can I not get away from this? I answered the only way I could, stuttering like a motherf*ck. “Well I don’t really use Facebook I prefer email and texting so I only have X friends." My boss called me a Facebook loser and laughed at me. Have I mentioned I hate social networking? BTW, I opened a Gossip Wrap-Up! Twitter account last Wednesday -I’ll be damned if the old guy opens one before me! As soon as I figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do with it, I’ll be posting/texting there too.

It's not every day non-Americans say this. Even the illegal aliens don't want to "be" American, they just want to be in America. But the US of A has seen a huge turn around since the departure of Bush. First Obama, now this. The Simpsons are on your stamps. How cool is that? And stamps aren't cool people. No, not even a little bit. Stamp collecting and bird watching have to be the lamest hobbies on the planet. My Vin Diesel Movie Collection is positively respectable in comparison -and even I have enough common sense to feel shame about my Vin Diesel Movie Collection. But this stamp of Homer Simspon makes me want to write and mail something. Anything.

Cassie (one hit wonder and P.Diddy's girlfriend) showed off her new hair style yesterday. I use the term 'style' loosely. Girlfriend is lucky she's gorgeous. On a plus note, Rihanna's gun tattoo seems positively normal now.SMH at this nonsense.

A lull in their careers. Sarah Jessica Parker and Freddie Prinze Jr are expecting their first child after 6 years of marriage. What the hell have these two been up too? I swear the last thing I remember either of these to in is Scooby Doo. Let's hope their kid is more exciting then they are.

Do you all remember when Jessica Simpson switched to country? How she said it wasn’t a 'gimmick'? How she swore that being from Texas and a southerner at heart, that her country roots were authentic? It was widely reported that Jessica was dropped from her “Country Label” last week -something to do with her crappy album sales and horrific concert performances. Who knew singing at country fairs were so challenging? I thought those things were strictly for the amateurs. Well Jessica may be down, but she sure as hell isn’t out. She was dropped by her country label, but not by Epic. Jessica must still have some albums owing on her contract because Epic Records isn’t done with her yet. Epic spokesperson said this: “She was on loan to Sony Nashville for her country album. She is and has always been an Epic artist and continues to be on Epic’s label.” Jessica Simpson has been a Christian artist, Pop, R&B (briefly –didn’t she have a duet with Bow Wow or someone) and now Country. Either she’s going to have to discover her inner rock roots, or takes some hip hop lessons from Eminem. I suspect pregnancy and another reality show is in Jessica Simpson's future, because clearly the music thing isn't working.

Wicked whisper: Which sensual singer tells his girlfriends that although he’s straight, he still receives oral pleasure from other men — then fumes when they suggest he’s bisexual? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: John Legend or Ne-Yo. It's the "girlfriends" that has me discounting John Legend. John has only had one beard girlfriend that I know of.

I was offline yesterday cleaning. Nothing celebrates the death of Christ like getting on your hands and knees and scrubbing your toilet. My annual New Years Eve tradition of cleaning my house was thwarted by a bad bout of food poisoning, which I generously shared with you all. I decided not to let the next major holiday go by without catching up. I know, New Years Eve was 4 months ago, I’ve been living is filth and squalor since then. It’s my apartment, sue me. But every crevice and every corner has been scrubbed, polished and bleached. My house is spotless, my cupboards and closets are organized. My laundry is done. I feel like a new person. I give it until Sunday, then my apartment is back to being a pigsty.

Maybe it's me? Ali Lohan, Lindsay Lohan's Less Attractive Younger Sister (or LAYS as I've been prone to call her) seems to have been cut up. Her nose is looking mighty different. Mouth too, I think. She's practically Barbie. Still not feeling her though. Is anorexia genetic? Or are these two girls too poor for food? Before photo:

Lindsay Lohan is the gift that keeps on giving. The "Lindsay Lohan the Saga Part 6" continues today. Lindsay Lohan is "the saddest girl in the world right now," a friend told Page Six, because her break-up with Samantha Ronson has left her "devastated" (she looks so sad in this photo -getting a tattoo with Ali Lohan- taken yesterday. I FEEL the devastation. I'm weeping with her). Who in the hell is Page Six kidding, that quote came from Dina Lohan. Lindsay has no "friend". Have you seen Lindsay photographed with anyone other than Sam, Dina, Ali or her publicist in the past year? No? Me neither. And we won’t be seeing Lindsay photographed with Sam or her publicist, because “[a]dding to the drama, according to one source, is the fact that "Lindsay is on hiatus with her publicist because she's not working or booking jobs." The friend said, "She is completely unmanageable. It has never been possible to control her or advise her. Lindsay needs to get psychiatric help.” I stand corrected, Dina Lohan isn’t the source, because according to Dina, Lindsay is healthy and perpetually “in a great place”. I’m betting the former publicist is chatting up Page Six. I am worried about Lindsay. Without Sam in her life how is she going to survive? Who’s going to pay her bills? Luckily for my Lindsay, stripping and porn are acceptable career choices for women now. At least I think they are, because porn stars and stripper are everywhere.

Ok, I'm easy. I admit it. I've been hatin' on RiRi because she did what many women in her situation do, she went back to the punk ass who beat her. But all is forgiven because today, Rihanna warmed the cockles of my heart (I have no clue what cockles are, but mine are all toasty warm right now). Rihanna has earned my fickle love, for once again, playing the PR Game and winning. Hell, she owned the game on this one. Plus Rihanna also made a sick kid really happy in the process, so bonus points for my Bajan Princess. While Rihanna was criss-crossing America last week, she made a pit stop to visit six-year-old Jasmina Anema one of her biggest fans. Jasmina is ensconced at the NYU Medical Center battling leukemia. “High doses of chemotherapy often leave Jasmina tired, says Katharina Harf, executive vice president of DKMS Americas, the bone marrow donor registry that is helping Jasmina and others find a match. "But when Rihanna walked into the room, there was no sign of that at all," she says. "Jasmina loves Rihanna. And Rihanna fell in love with Jasmina." Rihanna was schedule to spend an hour with Jasmina, but ended up hanging out for more than three. "[Rihanna] would have stayed longer if Jasmina didn't have to go to sleep." “Jasmina, who is a "total girly girl," according to her mother, Thea Anema, was thrilled when Rihanna presented her with a big bag of Cover Girl makeup. "Rihanna asked me if it was okay to put makeup on Jasmina," says Anema. "I said, 'Of course!' She's so thrilled with makeup and anything girly." Rihanna painted the little girl's nails and gently brushed "Dance Party" eyeshadow on her tiny eyelids [Cover Girl product placement -Triple Score!! Go Rihanna]. They played catch together with Jasmina's stuffed dog, Jackie, which ended with a torrent of giggles and hugs. "Rihanna kept on saying, 'I love her personality! She is such a little diva!' " says Harf.”I am so loving these photos. Admit it, they’re great photos. If you were a kid, and your favourite celebrity hung out with you for three hours, it would have made your life. Celebs do this thing all the time, but they usually only put in an half-hour -they just chat up the kid, take a few photos and they’re gone. The fact that Rihanna put make-up on Jasmina, and sung and danced with her, has put her back in my good graces. I love it when celebrities listen to their publicists. I’m loving Rihanna again! And her jheri leisure curl is starting to grow on me too. But if she goes back to Chris Brown, it’s so over (again). How to Help: please visit www.OneForJasmina.com or DKMSAmericas.org. If you want to sign up as a bone marrow donor with DKMS, go to www.dkmsamericas.org/category/marrow-donors/become-donor.

WICKED WHISPERS: Which seemingly straight married actor conducts his man-to-man hanky-panky in the hangar of the Santa Monica Airport? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: "seemingly" gotta go with Hugh Jackman on this one.

I often wonder about the process of choosing a magazine cover. Why that particular person? Why that particular photograph? Halle Berry covers Harper's Bazaar, sort of. Halle's a beautiful woman, but I can't figure out why Harper's Bazaar subjected us to all of this assiness. Was Halle battling influenza? Were the layout artist colour blind? Or is the printer to blame? This magazine is ugly. Real ugly.

Gossip has been boring as all hell lately. But the Gossip Gods have chosen to bless us. Lindsay Lohan Speaks! To Us Weekly. According to the rag, Us Weekly, "Lindsay Lohan opens up about her heartbreaking split from Samantha Ronson, the "humiliating" weekend showdown with Ronson's family, and says that friends' fears she is suicidal are unfounded." Samantha Ronson came to her senses, and dumped Lindsay Lohan last Friday, and hired five security guards to keep Lohan out of an afterparty for her sister Charlotte at the Chateau Marmont. I can't do it better than Lindsay. I can't top the brilliance that spews from her mouth. Here are some random quotes by Chateau Marmont's resident idiot: 1. "It's absolute hell." 2. "I'm not a bad person and this is what happens," Lohan told Us through tears. "I was raised to treat people well, and I'm so tired of this drama." 3. "Everyone's turned on me," says the actress. She tells the magazine that the night of the Chateau showdown, Nicole Richie walked by her and said "Uck," and Drea De Matteo said, "Come at me, bitch." 4. "I'm a f--king 22-year-old girl who's in love," she says. "I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie." I am not without heart. We've all lived through a bad break-up. But when that happens, you turn to your friends or family. How many of us would do a sit down with a tabloid less than a week after being dumped? I know, Lindsay is president of the Broke Ass Bitch Club -Hollywood Chapter, and Us Weekly probably threw her a more than a few thousand bucks. But still. What is with the victimization? (Nicole Ritchie...Drea Mateo?! WTF? Did Lindsay finish High School? Has she no shame?)Is anything ever this girls fault? Does coke make you dumb? And doesn't Lindsay's parents, manager, publicist still have some say? So many questions, no freaking answers. There's a small part of me that pities Lindsay Lohan. She's completely clueless. She's what happens when you don't raise your kids properly. But that part is really small. The rest of me, is popping some Orville Redenbacher, waiting for the intermission to be over.

WICKED WHISPERS: Which seemingly down-to-earth starlet is actually a wicked diva? When she wasn't featured as prominently as her other cast members in a recent photo shoot, she left the set in a huff. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Kristen Chenoweth

With all the money Nicole Kidman spends keeping her forehead wrinkle free, you'd think she'd do something with the jowls.

Let this be a lesson to us all. Always listen to the crazy rants of the drug addicted and mentally ill. Because sometimes, they speak the truth. A couple of years ago, Courtney Love began spewing craziness on the net. Ranting on and on about how people were stealing her money. At one point she named names, banks, mortgage companies. I guess behind that drug fueled rant, was some fact. A team of investigators, forensic accountants and lawyers found that Cobain's estate had been looted of more than $30 million cash and up to $500 million in real estate. Mostly through” true name” fraud. According to Holmes, bank accounts using Cobain, Love and Frances Bean's Social Security numbers were set up and used to buy and sell real estate across the US. "There is now a web of homes which were bought, flipped and used to launder money -- up to $500 million worth," Holmes said. "Any of the property we can get back will be donated to people who have lost their homes in foreclosures." "Courtney noticed the money was gone when there wasn't any left. It's no secret she struggled with substance-abuse issues, but in the last year she's taken a more serious approach to sobriety and started noticing things were wrong. She hired private investigators, accountants and me." So one day Courtney went to the ATM to pay off her dealer, she realized she was broke and what, called the authorities? Identity theft is horrid, my sister fell victim to it more than 5 years ago. But for someone to be able to steal more than $30 million from you and your child who's a minor...I shaking my head here. I hope getting high was worth it.

Non smoking reshoot Hunky, serious actor was shot by the paps the other day dragging on a ciggie after getting off a plane. But his wife doesn’t know. So he asked them, pleaded with them – please, can we try it again? Let me just finish, then I’ll go back to where started, and I’ll walk back this way again, and you can reshoot these photos without me smoking? Otherwise the Mrs will kill me. This is blind for obvious reasons. Don’t want to put him in the sh-thouse when he gets home but also a great example of how they work with them, the paparazzi, they all work with them every day. They negotiate, they choreograph, they rehearse, and they reshoot. It’s part of the job. Don’t believe them when they complain. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Clive Owen

Wicked whisper: Which Grammy-winning rapper can’t get enough weed? She orders from a NYC delivery service non-stop, then tries to sweet-talk the courier into giving her free bags of ganja. Gossip Wrap-Up Guess: Does Foxy Brown have a Grammy? Trying hard to think of NYC based rappers with a grammy. How about Lauren Hill?

Miley Cyrus must have the best publicist in the world. Or print magazine is almost dead, and the editors will do anything to stay afloat. Probably some combination of the two. Miley Cyrus Vogue cover girl. Yeah it's Teen Vogue but doesn't Anna Wintour have some sort of editorial control over this publication? If ever there was a face that should not be coverin' Vogue it's this one people. Surely the tween's don't have that much discretionary spending? Aren't their parents broke yet?

Samantha Ronson finally dumped Lindsay Lohan's ass. Just in the nick of time, by the looks of it. This is Samantha Ronson and her twin sister Charlotte out on Saturday night. I've had bowel movements that look healthier than Samantha.

Wicked whisper: Which C-list Hollywood stud was so drunk and desperate that he showed up at the home of an L.A. gossip reporter and demanded a booty call? Guess what, folks? She accepted! Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: How about Jessie Metcalfe and that former CNN Entertainment reporter that blogs on Crazy Days and Nights?

I'll be the first to admit, I love me some Vin Diesel. I have publicly shamed myself, put that "personal sh*t" out there. I LOVE VIN DIESEL. It's his arms, his nose, his voice and that beautiful bald head. There's a reason why my Vin Diesel Video Collection gets dusted regularly (Not having a boyfriend or a life might have something to do with it, but we aren't going to go there). As big of a fan as I am, there are couple of things I won't do for my beloved Vin. 1. I will not show up at one of his movie premieres and scream his name. 2. I would never ask Vin Diesel for his autograph. 3. I would never pay full price to see one of this movies on opening weekend. Fast and the Furious took in $70 million this weekend? It must be the folks who bought Jessica Simpson's album and Britney Spears mom, Lynne's book. 'Cause it sure as hell wasn't me! I may love me some Vin Diesel, but I know my boys limitations. I am fine watching Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick on DVD over and over and over again. Hell, I'm still waiting for Babylon AD to go on super-duper discount in the previously viewed section at Blockbuster. But $13.95 for Vin Diesel racing a car. F*ck that.

I'm not a fan of Scarlett Johansson, she's listed number 2 on my 'Overrated Bitches List' (just behind Gwyneth Paltrow). I don't think she's a great actress. I don't think she's bankable either. I think Scarlett's financial advisor thinks this too, because she's starring in yet another major advertising campaign. Movie cheques not coming in Scarlett? Scarlett is not fat, she's not even "thick", yet this ad for Moet & Chandon Champagne is so photoshopped you can see the shading they did to make her thighs, calves and arms look slimmer. It's a pretty sad statement that the folks over at Moet & Chandon think Scarlett is fat. Ironic considering how fattening alcohol is for you.

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When I was a kid, I used to see Life Magazine by the check-out counter at the grocery store. They always seemed to have politicians and old people on the cover. Can't say I've ever read Life Magazine, but they were kind of like National Geographic, renowned for their photographs. Needless to say, Life went out of business eons ago. But they're back. Online only. And for their inaugural issue guess who made the "cover'....Miley Cyrus is launching journalistic magazines. I'm going to log off now and go find God, this has to be one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse.

I'm not one to throw race into everything, but sometimes it is necessary. I was going to make Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown my second charity case for the "Save a Sistah" Foundation -a nonprofit I'm starting to help out pretty colored girls who have no common sense. (Our first case, Rihanna, isn't going well but I don't want to talk about it). But then I realized Mel B is half Black and half White. Why does she have to be considered Black? Why can't this colored girl be White? I've decided this child of mixed parentage is White. Halle Berry, she's Black -we're keeping that one. Scary Spice can go out and pick up her NAAWP (National Association for the Advancement of White People) Card. She's all yours and just like my little Korean grocer across the street: "NO REEFUNS!" (Their sign, not mine, so don't hate). This is Melanie Brown earning some coin at a burlesque show. To think Melanie Brown used to be my hero. You'd think with Eddie Murphy's child support cheques she wouldn't need to be whoring herself out like this. Melanie Brown reminds me of those transgendered individuals, you know, when they are about to go "pre-op" and they have to spend a year living/dressing as a woman first. They always seem to go overboard with the "feminizing" in the first few weeks. Too much make-up, their clothing is too pretty -either too sexy or too flowery. You can always tell that they are a guy though. Melanie Brown is like that. Only creepy.

Jade Goody was buried in England this morning. Jade, who rose to fame after starring in the British version of Big Brother, died on March 22 after a battle with cancer. People lined up along London streets to watch her funeral procession go by. I'm not sure if the event was televised. I need to start of by saying: GOD FORGIVE ME. Let me repeat, GOD PLEASE FORGIVE ME, and Jade Goody please don't haunt my ass. Now with the legalize out of the way.... I know they do things a little different over in England. Their standard of what it takes to becomes famous is way lower than in North America (and we made Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian famous, so you know they have it bad). Hell, even their soap opera actors look like everyday people. No glamour of glitz or proper English can be found on Coronation Street. Even with this knowledge, I need a couple of points clarified. 1. Jade Goody died on March 22 and was buried on April 4. THIRTEEN DAYS? Were they waiting for a slow news day? Or was this the only day they could get a parade permit? Jade's body must have been fully decomposed. Why did she need 6 pall bearers? Human bones don't weigh much. 2. Why the hell did people line up for her funeral? She was a reality show participant, who pimped out her own death, so her kids could have a trust fund. Honorable? No. Smart? Maybe? But what kind of person buys into this crap? I guess this is my answer. Lord have mercy. People, this is the End of Days. Those sweatshirts are killing me. I know I shouldn't be laughing but, do you think they made them themselves, or was some guy selling them at the funeral?

In response to my post that Jennifer Hudson looked like ass on the cover of Vogue, especially when compared to her Entertainment Weekly cover, "Anonymous" said that "the vogue cover was beautiful.. get over it ....". Really now. Please take a good look at Jennifer's Entertainment Weekly cover and then look at her celebrated Vogue cover. Vogue covers are usually serene, beautiful, and classy. Jennifer looks like Annie Leibovitz was waving a Big Mac at her.Not any better without the script.