Current collobo queen Nicki Minaj was finally growing on me and then she went and dropped her own music. Nicki premiered her video for "Massive Attack" on BET today. (For the record, I saw this video online, I do not watch BET -ever. I don't know which Black people BET is providing entertainment for, but they sure as hell aren't providing it for any of the Black folks who live in my house.
But I digress -as usual. "Massive Attack" was directed by Hype Williams and it does look like the record label spent some money on this clip (much of it going to the guy erasing the cellulite off of Nicki's backside). But I don't know what the song or music video is about. But Nicki describes the music video to MTV as such: "It's really fashion and beauty shots, and we're acting like we're doing something important."

That clarifies it for me. You?

If this song is a massive hit then I'm going to accept that I've officially gotten old. IMO the best parts of this track are when Nicki Minaj isn't rapping on it. Which says everything.

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Maybe I'm mistaken, but does Lucky magazine rotate the same five cover models over and over again? How many Lucky magazine covers does this month's cover girl Hilary Duff have already? Or maybe because Lucky's covers are so damn boring and interchangeable that I think Hilary is on the cover every four or five months. Am I the only one who has issues with Lucky's covers, I mean, I can't even tell what season they were published in they all look pretty much the same.


Aside: I've been thinking of adding a new "tag" on my blog -"When Bloggers Whine".

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I swear the recession has hit Vanity Fair magazine hard. 

Please don't tell me how iconic Grace Kelly is, I know she is. So is Jackie O... and Michael Jackson...and Farrah Fawcett for that matter. Not only are they iconic, they're all dead.

Grace Kelly covers the May 2010 edition of Vanity Fair magazine. I guess the copyright on some of these photos of the dead folks Vanity Fair keeps putting on their covers is probably up, or the licensing fee is a hell of a lot cheaper than having a celebrity photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz. Good for Graydon Carter for saving a buck.

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TMZ published this rear-view shot of Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler (if it's them). And a chorus of "gross, disgusting, he's so classy" was posted in the comments on TMZ's website. Curious, does Jennifer Aniston have a glory hole in the back of her jeans? Or does she have a wedgie? I'm trying to figure out where that finger disappeared to. Did the photoshop God eat it? Or is Butler palming it for some weird reason? Because what they're implying seems impossible unless  her stretch jeans, have a little more stretch than mine do.

Much ado about nothing.

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This photo that surfaced yesterday, of Lindsay Lohan walking with "mysterious white powder" on her shoes is still making the internet rounds. Please, if there was even the slightest possibility that there was a fraction of cocaine on her shoes, Lindsay (and half of Hollywood) would be on their knees snorting the soles out of those pumps. It's probably just baby powder or corn starch. Why? I stopped trying to figure out Lindsay Lohan years ago.

Let's move along.

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Some where in America there’s a photoshop artist who just put in a claim for disability. If someone’s going to get carpel tunnel after one job, it would be the poor sap who was forced to “fix” this cover shot. (I LOVE their creative use of shadowing).

Here’s T.I.’s baby mama Tiny and Lil Wayne’s baby mama Toya covering Hype Hair magazine.

***blank stare***

America is the greatest country on earth. There's no way in hell this f*ckery would be put on display in Canada.

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On March 8th I had my heart broken by Eli Roth. To recap, I had added Eli Roth to my Hollywood crush list after seeing INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS. Given that my Hollywood crush list has been topped by Vin Diesel for about 5 years now, the fact that I would lust after the “nice Jewish boy who killed people with a baseball bat & writes torture porn” pretty much solidifies that I have “issues”. But this post isn’t about me (not really) it’s about Eli.

On March 8, the night of the Oscars, Eli Roth shows up at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party with Peaches Geldof. Needless to say, Eli was dead to me that very night. Actually, he was on life support. He was dead to me 36 hours later when he was photographed driving Peaches home, still wearing the same dress she had worn to the Vanity Fair Party. Any guy who would mix bodily fluids with that nasty dirty girl …
Well my feelings about the skankness of Peaches were bang on, because a pretty big scandal (in England) broke out with Peaches Geldof last Friday. It seems some college student decided to share his one night stand story on Reddit.com, and of course because it involved a Z-list celebrity, the whole world (starting with Gawker.com) picked up on it. I'm sure you've read about it, last November Peaches shares some heroin and her pussy with some guy she doesn't know. And in her inebriated state, she lets him take pictures of the event. There's an effing Kodak moment.

So the story breaks, and Peaches is the Queen of Denial (she was drunk on alcohol, not high on heroin, but she did have random sex with a stranger and let him photograph her -but it "was a private moment". Someone studied at the Lindsay Lohan School of Excuses). So 3 days later, the aftershocks are still happening. Peaches gets dropped by her only source of income (other than her daddy), some British lingerie company, who must have been desperate if they hired her in the first place. But even they know that some skank can't be washed off, so they've pulled all of her photos from their stores and their website, and announced that they've dropped her for being a bad role model. Whatever. This blog post isn’t about Peaches either, this is about Eli Roth.

So Eli “I tweet regularly” Roth, Mr. “MySpace”, since this story broke there has been nothing but radio silence? What do you do when your girlfriend is outed as a drug-using, needle-sharing skank? Do you roll over and tell her it's OK and it will pass? Or do you think, OMG I need to get tested? Hint, Eli’s last message on My Space, was on March 25 at 11:35 PM  “Mood: Sick”. I wonder if it was something Peaches gave him. LOL.

Someone needs to tell Eli Roth that he’s never going to make the A-List eating rotten Peaches.

Note: If Eli comes to his senses and drops Peaches, he's back on my Hot List -I'm a forgiving bitch. (But it doesn't look like Eli is going anywhere).

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Not sure what's going on with Jennifer Aniston at the Paris premiere of THE BOUNTY HUNTER.  Maybe she's using fashion to distract from an awful film. Or maybe she's trying to start a pregnancy rumor. Either way, that Christian Lacroix dress is bridesmaid ugly.

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Monica held a party on Thursday night for her new album "Still Standing" and Missy Elliot decided to bless us with her presence. I have no clue where Missy Elliot has been for the past couple of years, if you believe the folks over at Panache Report, she had been in some third world prison (or was that Sade - that website had me confused). Wherever Missy was, she wasn't getting any beauty rest. I think she's still wearing the same weave and track suit from her last video shoot.

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It looks like this year will be filled with fun flicks. Between CLASH OF THE TITANS, KICK ASS, and IRON MAN 2, I'm going to enjoy handing my money over to Cineplex. Here's another movie that just landed on my must see list, SCOTT PILGRAM VS. THE WORLD. Michael Cera, Anna Kendrick and Chris Evans co-star.

SCOTT PILGRAM VS. THE WORLD opens in August.

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"For all you internet warriors on here talking shit...it's easy to place judgement when your sitting behind a keyboard. Get off your God dam high horse, your shit don't smell like roses either. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone...in other words FUCK YOU"

Michelle Bombshell McGee on Twitter AND Facebook (this whore wants to be heard).

Note to Michelle: While it’s easy to place judgment while I’m sitting behind my keyboard, it’s effing hard to place judgment and be entertaining. But b*tch, every day I try. Further, unless your skank ass is quoting, Issiah, 55:7, you shouldn’t be saying anything, except I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me.

And for anyone who has even the slightest sympathy for Ms. McGee who's pretty much having her ass handed to her by those who love Sandra Bullock, please take a look at Michelle's twitter name.
Michelle was way off on the "bombshell" label, but got it right when she picked her twitter name.

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Luda debuted his new video for "My Chick Bad (Remix) ft. Trina, Diamond and Eve. I was really looking forward to hearing this track, because I haven't heard great hip hop from a female artist in a long time.

Still waiting.

I'm still trying to figure how Ludacris keeps creating these God awful catchy tunes. Off to add to my iTunes....

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I confess.  After hearing about Chatroulette on KISS92.5 here in Toronto, I spent 20 MINUTES OF MY PATHETIC LIFE on that website.

For the record, I saw no peen.

If you don't know about Chatroulette, here's the rundown. You chat via your webcam with a random stranger. If you don’t like what you see, you press next and move on. I know it’s a complete waste of time, but I tried it anyway. Oh and I don’t have a webcam, nothing but blank screen coming from my end. But check out the video below. I would have been mortified if my face showed up there. And yes, it’s mostly men who play this thing.

You must try it: click here to play Chatroulette.

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Madame Tussauds unveiled another Robert Pattinson wax figure for their New York location, to the delight of these young girls. I will say this, the waxed Robert Pattinson seems to have more personality and better looks than the real thing. I think it helps that the artists accomplished something that Robert seems incapable of, they made RPatz look clean.

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Blind Vice: Douche TV Star Nails Chicks in Dressing Room!

Jeez, what hath Jesse James wrought, huh? Are quasi-good-looking TV stars who behave badly suddenly the norm here in Hollywood?

Sure looks that way.

Because Moisty Mohr, a man never known for his looks so much as his ratings, is pulling some of the skuzziest stuff around these days! If you haven't just eaten lunch, proceed, by all means:

There's a certain store in town that sells women's clothing and is hot, hot, hot—tons of stars go there. It's a stylin' joint where the chicks go to get their chic on. So, of course, Moisty, who's always with one slinky babe or another (though he pretends he dates only one at a time—total lie), stopped into said shop recently.

"He came it with a bunch of gals," said an eyewitness. "They were just dripping all over him, which was really funny, as he's not all that much to look at."

What's even more hysterical (or pathetic, your choice) is that Moisty couldn't wait to have his way with his harem, so he took them into a changing room! And that area does not have floor-to-ceiling doors, mind you.

So, everybody in the store heard everything. And considering the fact that there were at least two women getting serviced by Moisty, the audio factor was not low. Consider it as amped as Mohr's boob-tube persona!

Wow. Is this when like short men start acting like total bitches, just to assert themselves? Dog-faced celeb finds the need to show he's got what it takes to please the ladies—and he wants everybody to know it?

Fine. Say the word, Moisty, your secret's out!

It Ain't: Jesse James, Jeremy Piven, George Lopez

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Tattoos and comics? is that the connection? Jamie Kennedy
Source

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It's being reported that Beyonce is pregnant. Let me rephrase that, MediaTakeOut is reporting that Beyoncé is pregnant. MediaTakeOut -I know, I know.

Translation: Beyoncé is not pregnant and probably has a new album coming out.

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Usher premiered his latest video Lil Freak (Feat. Nicki Minaj)this week. Remember when Usher was the business?

After watching this video, I'm more confused than the little white girl wandering around it in.

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Jessica Alba arrives at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival launch in Hollywood. Something is up. Jessica Alba has been "cheesing" in photographs for the past couple of weeks now. She looks so happy to see the paparazzi these days. Oh snap, I just checked her IMDB page. Jessica as three movies coming out this year, and NOTHING filming or in pre-production. Someone's looking for work.

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Ke$ha promotes her album posing for a photo-call in Sydney Australia. Uhmm...Ke$ha...you OK girl?

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This picture of Amy Winehouse leaving a restaurant last night is pretty shocking. Amy is back with Blake, she has just left an establishment that serves alcohol and yet she looks sober. Hell, she looks sober and looks good! Hope floats.

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I assumed that this week’s tabloids would be all over the Sandra Bullock-Jesse James scandal. Somehow Kim Kardashian got some cover play. Apparently North American’s care about her weight loss tricks and her now defunct romance with Reggie Bush. While Kim’s body is banging, I still don’t know what this chick does? She’s not a model, she’s not an actress, and daddy being a lawyer does not make you a socialite.

Kim Kardashian covers OK! magazine (with uber troll Britney). OK! must sell a lot of diet covers, because every damn week that have some skinny woman on the cover giving diet tips.

And then there's Sandy...
and Us Weekly. I like Sandy so much that I don't even want to comment on this nonsense (who cares about Tiger and Elin). Plus Jesse James was kind of hot. I was hoping that they could work this out (think of little Sunny!), but it looks like other skanks are trying to ride on the gravy train. 

On the plus side, if Jesse's jump off can get $30,000 for her story, don't you think there are other men cheating in Hollywood who are kind of sweating right now?

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I love Monica Bellucci. I think she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. Here Monica is doing "a Demi" on the cover of Italian Vanity Fair. Monica is expecting her second child this year at the age of  45. That's what 45 looks like? I guess only in Europe, because our North American actresses aren't holding up so well.

Monica is still married to Vincent Cassel, better known in these parts from OCEAN'S TWELVE and briefly in OCEAN'S THIRTEEN as master thief Francois Toulour.

The originators:

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I’m not even sure why I bother anymore. I believe that part of me thinks that if someone just stepped in and styled Britney Spear’s hair each morning and picked out her clothes, I would feel better (and I think eventually Britney would feel better too). Britney Spears stepped out for a bite with her “boyfriend” Jason Trawick.

Python print bag, leopard print shoes, a union jack flag belt and jeans with stains. Let’s not mention the too small shirt or the effing hair. Do you think that after all these years, Britney doesn’t realize that she’s being followed and photographed by the paparazzi and fans everywhere she goes?

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Naomi Campbell might beat the sh*t out of you, but she’ll always be the prettiest bully on the planet.

Vogue Russia didn’t just put Naomi Campbell on the cover of their April edition, they gave her the whole magazine. No other model but her (Rumor has it, she killed all the other girls.)

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On Saturday I walked into my neighbourhood Pharma Plus/Rexall  drugstore to pick up one thing, my favourite mascara in the world, Maybelline New York Colossal Volum’ Express Mascara. Seriously it’s the best mascara out there, with the exception of maybe Dior Show (but my half-blind dirt brown eyes aren’t pretty enough to be wearing $40 mascara). “The Colossal” was on sale for $5.99, which is dirt cheap for mascara in Canada. Unfortunately, in addition to my “eating problem” I have a “shopping problem”. So naturally, after saving all that money, I began trolling the aisles like I was George Michael in a public park –translation -I was desperate to pick up ANYTHING. Two minutes later I was at the cash with my Mascara, 2 Santi-flush tabs and the deluxe edition of NEW MOON.

Hello, my name is Nicola and I have a problem.

I know I said I hated the flick (except for the hotness that was Taylor Lautner’s abs) but I’m OCD with music, books and DVDs. I must have completeness. I buy a book by an author and I like it, I must buy all of the author’s works. My DVD collection is so screwed right now, because I own the first NATIONAL TREASURE but not the sequel. Seriously, every time I go into HMV, I eyeball, NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS. But the buggers want $24.99(!) for it, and just because Nicolas Cage is broker than me, doesn’t mean I need to bail him out.

I paid for my goods, and I went home and had me a TWILIGHT SAGA party (of one). I watched TWILIGHT and then NEW MOON back to back.

Five hours of my life I will not be getting back. But because the people at Summit Entertainment don’t think I’ve been punished enough, they released this today:

The first ECLIPSE movie poster. They put no effort into this, "Edward" still looks like a pussy. I can’t even remember what ECLIPSE is about anyways. Do they get married in this one? Is someone trying to kill off their kid? Or is this the one with the fledgling vampire? At least with the books, I wasn’t forced to look at this:
Was Jasper character supposed to be comic relief in the movies? I swear he looked like he had gas in both flicks.

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Here's another shot of Brad Pitt (with Tom Ford) at the premiere of KICK ASS in London yesterday. Suddenly Brad Pitt doesn’t look so bad. Seriously, what the f*ck is going on with Tom Ford. I thought gay men never lost their pretty.

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Self Portrait by Russell Simmons

Can I just say that at fifty plus years old, Russell Simmons is too old to be taking bathroom pictures of himself. Plus, I suspect that at some point that other hand is going to touch that Blackberry BEFORE he washes it.

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Sandra Bullock was Sunny James only chance at a good life. Sandra was the beacon of light that was going to lead Sunny down the righteous path. If Sandra goes, it’s trailer parks and stripper poles in this little kid’s future.

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NY Daily News is reporting that while Elin is still upset that Tiger cheated on her with party girls, the thought that one of his conquests is a porn star is the most difficult thing for her to swallow.

Joslyn James, the Tiger Woods’ jump off who should have been paid for her silence is pretty much the last skank still talking in the Tiger Woods scandal. Joslyn set up that Sexting Tiger website last week. Insert eye rolls here. How some women chose to earn their money KILLS me.

But despite Elin’s profound shame, she’s trying to work it out. Elin hopped aboard Tiger's 30 million dollar yacht “Privacy” for the weekend sans Tiger. If she was trying to think things through, she should have stayed at a Holiday Inn instead, it would have given her a better taste of what life without Tiger would be.

I’m pretty sure Tiger’s money is the glue that’s holding this marriage together at this point.

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I read last week in the Daily Mail, that Lindsay Lohan told her new British friends that she was in London to find work. Lindsay's Plan B doesn't involve getting an education, but rather finding a  new country to work in. I guess someone told her the insurance companies in England have lapse rules or something.

Well Lohan must be confident that she'll find work in England, because she was out drinking and getting snapped back in LA this weekend. At some point Lindsay's money will run out, then God help her. Lindsay's already doing desperate, rock bottom will be a b*tch.

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I guess everyone has things that bring back great childhood memories. At least I hope you do.

I have a memories my grade three teacher reading poems from Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends". I also remember taking the book out from the school library and giggling over the poems with my sister. I'm a huge Shel Silverstein fan, so much so, that I repurchased his books for my personal library a couple of years ago.

Silverstein died in 1999 and it's being reported that his long time editor Antonio Markiet is curating a new untitled collection of his work that will feature 120 to 130 new poems. I can't wait!  If you're not familiar with Shel's work, here's one of his shorter poems (his poems are usually long and silly and truthful and wonderful!)

Whatif by Shel Silverstein
Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

To read some other Shel Silverstein work click here.

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Brad Pitt at the KICK ASS premiere in London, England. I love me some Brad Pitt, but this has got to stop. Can someone please find Brad Pitt's "pretty", and send it  back home.

Still SMH 5 minutes later.

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I haven't shown Tiny some love in eons. Truthfully, I can't remember the last time I posted on this girl. Check out Tiny skinning teeth with her man T.I. I guess, T.I. is the one "skinning teeth" in this shot. According to NecoleBitchie.com, T.I. spent $50,000 on he new smile.

***blank stare***

Why is T.I. the one spending $50K on cosmetic procedures?

She must have the most amazing personality.

Photo Credit: Freddo.com

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An interesting discussion occurred at the office about the recent philandering by celebrity men. What do you do with your cheat?

Let’s face it, the commenters (mostly women) have overwhelmingly decided that Sandra Bullock and Elin Woods should leave their men. Most of the women around here feel the same way. Two years ago I would have sided with the majority. Two years ago I would have looked at Sandra Bullock and Elin with disdain if they stayed. Now, I think to walk out JUST BECAUSE of infidelity is stupid.

Hear me out.

Let me start by saying that I in no way condone what Jesse or Tiger did. @ssholes the two of them. To cheat is bad, but to cheat with the common gutter trash these two picked up. God help the wives. I’d be shocked if STDs didn’t get passed around.

That being said, it’s easy for another woman to tell a woman she should leave. Too easy.

The people I work for, and their clients are the private planes, trips to Vegas every month sort of people. Men with money. With respect to the Tiger situation, here’s what they said: “Women want things”. Yes that’s what they reduced this f*ckery to. One gentleman went on to say that women used to get married to get things (they’re of an older generation); today women would rather get on their backs or knees to get things when they can’t get them themselves. And a lot of wives realize that their ability to get things will greatly diminish as a divorcée. In other words, these men have great pre-nups and the wives aren’t going anywhere. I think Elin falls into that category.

Her whole family benefits from Tiger’s money. They’ve been photographed at some of the most exclusive resorts in the world. And I don’t think any of them can afford it on their own. So for Elin to leave, the whole family gets screwed. Yes that’s a horrible reason to stay. But poor men cheat too (probably not as much as Tiger did, and probably with a better class of woman, but they do). So who is to say she’d be any happier?

Sandra is a trickier situation. Sandra has her own everything. She doesn’t need Jesse for anything but companionship. So the question is, was Sandra happy in her relationship for the past 5 years? If the world didn’t know, just her alone, would she stay? Sandra is 45 years old, I’m sure lots of men will line up to date her, but does she really want to be going through all of the dating bullsh*t at that age? And what about Jesse’s kid? Little Sunny will be left with a pornstar mom with an addiction problem and a man who didn’t have enough common sense to not give his kid a stripper name. Jebus Sandra, if you leave, at least take Sunny with you.

Maybe my singledom has finally addled my brain. Maybe I’m being ridiculous. And I know I'm over simplifying both situations. But once you get over the embarrassment, which I think is just as big a sin than the infidelity, what’s left? Embarrassment fades, trust can be rebuilt...loneliness can last a lifetime.

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I wish I could love Demi Moore, but I’m no longer a fan. While Demi is and has always been beautiful, I don’t think she represents women over 40 well. Demi has always loved “the knife” and she seems to be a little obsessive about her looks. While Hollywood is a bitch, (and bloggers like me even more so), someone needs to tell Demi that wrinkles are not the enemy.

Demi covers Harper's Bazaar "Fabulous at Every Age" edition. Not a line or pore insight.

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Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Please don't ask me what this holiday is about, as  I no longer remember. I think it's just an excuse to drink green beer, hold a parade and for a certain city in the US to dye it's filthy river green.

Don't forget to tip your wait staff when your in the bar today!

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William Morris Agent Jason Trawick, the hardest working man in Hollywood, has just caught a break. E!Online is reporting that Britney Spears has split from Jason Trawick her agent, and “boyfriend” of  the past year.

Trawick began dating Britney Spears just after she started her last world tour Circus –and it was deemed that she needed a "distraction" to keep her in line. Step in Jason, who conveniently also secured William Morris’ cut of the tour.

According to E!Online, the two were last seen in public together on Valentine's Day at a McDonald's drive-thru in L.A. Insert ***blank stare*** here. I’m pretty sure both of these two have enough money not to be eating at Mickey Dees. especially on Valentine’s Day.

E!Online noted that this wasn't the first time the pair has split up within the last three months, and their insider says, a reconciliation remains on the table. Translation: Britney’s working on a new album, and may need someone to ensure she shows up for work for this one too.

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