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Showing newest 49 of 76 posts from December 2009. Show older posts
Showing newest 49 of 76 posts from December 2009. Show older posts

DEATH OF AUTOTUNE

>> Thursday, December 31, 2009


Jay-Z couldn't pull it off, but thank God for Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav is going to kill Autotune. If Flavor doesn't end this trend, then no one can.

I present you Flavor Flav's "I'll Never Let You Go" music video. I beg you, please watch it! It's a gift.

This video makes me wish I was still working in music video production. The crew on this set must have been laughing their asses off all day long! All 6 of them, because this low-budget sh*t looks like it was shot without a single filming permit. They just pulled over on the side of the road, and shot the rest at his manager's house.

My favorite part is when they're filming Flavor in profile, but he keeps side-looking at the camera, as if he's making sure the cameraman is still there. Maybe I over estimated the production costs on this thing, maybe he shot this video with his own camera, and picked up a crew at a Home Depot parking lot. I'd would have kept my eye on the camera too Flavor!

I need to find the lyrics. This is going to be my favorite song of 2009.

Sing it with me: "deeeepppp in your heart, you'll know I'll never let you go-ohoho".

Still trying to figure out why he's singing like he's Patti Labelle in the booth though, especially since the whole song sounds like he was talking under the all that Autotune.

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EXPLANATION REQUIRED


Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton out in Miami last night.

Can someone please explain Perez Hilton's outfit? Can you tell me how he manages to make Lady Gaga's fashion sense seem "normal"? Or why isn't he red faced with shame? Anyone...anyone??

I'm so bloody confused about his boxer shorts that I can't even comment on her wig game (although there's a crack-head prostitute in New York who's going to be mighty pissed when she gets ready for work tonight).

This cannot be a good way to end the year.

Photo credit: Splash News

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EW LOVES GEORGE TOO!

>> Wednesday, December 30, 2009


My baby covers Entertainment Weekly. Why is he always surrounded by women not good enough for him? That would mean any woman other than me, BTW. Here's George Clooney sharing the Entertainment Weekly Oscar race prediction cover with the mother from THE ORPHAN and the girl from the TWILIGHT SAGA movies (oh, they also co-star with my George in UP IN THE AIR -lucky bitches).

Please note: three people are on this cover, and only one looks good.

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JANET CHARLTON'S HOLLYWOOD WHODUNIT

After this actor unexpectedly lost his wife, he had a major life change. Now that he’s single, he’s considered to be a great catch, but it’s unlikely that any lucky ladies will “catch” him. That’s because he now prefers young men. Particularly slender male escorts between 18 and 21. He cruises the web for young men and calls himself “Leo.” If he’s VERY interested in someone he will fly the guy to wherever he is. He brings the escorts to his homes in New York and Los Angeles and is always polite and generous. Sorry, ladies.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Stanley Tucci would be my first guess, but his wife battled breast cancer for a while. That pretty much only leaves Liam Neeson. I'd actually be shocked if it were Liam Neesom.

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COVERIN' IT


Not to be a bitch but, he held out for this? Kevin Jonas shows off his bride on the cover of People magazine. I'm sure women from Danielle's neighbourhood will be using Danielle's story of morality for decades to come. They'll tell their daughters: "this is why you don't have sex before your married. Look at Danielle, she married a rock star." Unfortunately, the reality is, married at twenty-two, divorced with kids by thirty. Your hymen isn’t special and it isn't a prize.

One of the Kardashian's shows off her baby on the cover of Life & Style magazine. And why do we care?


Former Hefner whore Kendra somethingortheother shares her diet secrets in OK! magazine. Kendra lost twenty pounds in 3 weeks! Before you run out and spend a dime to learn Kendra's little diet secret, let me tell it you for free. Three weeks ago Kendra dropped a 7 lbs baby out of her belly, add 5 to 6 lbs in blood and placenta loss (gross but true), add another 5 "BS" lbs because every dieter exaggerates to make themselves look better. So a couple of hours after giving birth Kendra was already down 17 pounds. Two weeks later she lost another 3 pounds. That’s 1.5 lbs a week. Not so impressive, is it?

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THANK GOD THEY SPLIT

>> Tuesday, December 29, 2009


To think, it was only yesterday these kids were covering the tabloids. Ok it was last November. But then NEW MOON came out, and her tour sold out, so I guess they didn't have to keep up the farce. Us Weekly is reporting that Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift have broken up.

I've always been a little panicky about this relationship, not because I still harbor incident lustful thoughts about 17 year old Taylor Lautner (I quickly came to my senses a few days after seeing NEW MOON). But what freaked me out was if (and that’s a big IF) this relationship was real; and if these two had sex (again big IF) suppose she got pregnant? Their baby would have no eyes! Worrying about stuff like this keeps me up at night.

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LAINEY GOSSIP BLIND ITEM

Casting Couch

It was mystifying several years ago why she was hyped the way she was hyped. Just another starlet with no real significant starring vehicles somehow ending up with a prestigious magazine cover proclaiming her as the next It. Well It never happened. And after all this time and a string of failures, she’s been trying to change the course. So she’s gone back to the major player who tried to make it happen for her the first time. There was an arrangement back then – her sexual services for his professional services – and apparently the same arrangement was resurrected recently in the hopes that she’ll finally confirm a juicy role to kickstart a stagnant career.

Never mind that he’s married. His wife benefits handsomely from his generosity and while he may not fulfill her with fidelity, he certainly makes up for it through client exchange. Probably better that way. And given what he looks like, it totally makes sense. But he is a legend in the business both for his accomplishments and for the way he leads these ladies to their accomplishments, counting a couple of award winners and a few box office heavyweights on his resumĆ©…which is why he quickly tired of our poor girl and discarded her.

But not before drying her out. One day late summer, they were joined in a hotel suite by a third gentleman (identity insignificant), both of them enjoying her as she allowed herself to be taken, and, um, decorated appropriately, all for a reward at the end of the session – the privilege of simply looking at a script, no promise, no confirmation…just an advance read. And a suggestion to show up at a premiere for a few introductions. She is so desperate, it’s been so meagre, she submitted to the humiliation although gamely seems to have enjoyed it. An actor after all, obviously able to shut out her husband and child waiting for her back at home.

And then he just cut it off. Told her he could no longer help her. That her body in his bed was no longer required. Which of course only added to her degradation. She tried and tried to offer up more, willing to engage in further depravity, but was only met with rejection. Because he’s moved on. He’s hunting his next target. A young, nubile, blonde babe with a large profile and a perky rack who so far has been able to resist his advances but is trying to graduate from supporting roles in film, as the fact that she’s a headliner on the small screen has not helped with the quality of scripts she’s being offered, or with many of her auditions so far. She’s currently waiting on a big break and he’s trying to make sure it doesn’t happen, so that in her disappointment, she’ll come running to him, ready to wheel and deal.

Note: there are 4 famous names at play – the reject, the replacement, the power player, and his wife.

UPDATE December 30, 2009 - Nor Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck nor Anna Paquin.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess:
1. The Reject - My guess, even though she's old, Gretchen Mol. Remember her Vanity Fair cover when she was promoting ROUNDERS (Miramax). I never forgot it, because even back then, 10 years ago, I was like WTF -who'd she f*ck to get this. Thanks Lainey, now I know!
2. The Replacement - This is tricky. Blond, TV, perky boobs. OK, maybe not so tricky, and I don't even watch GOSSIP GIRLS - Blake Lively.
3. The Power Player - Harvey Weinstein
4. His Wife - Georgina Chapman

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MAKES ME WANNA...

>> Monday, December 28, 2009


I'm going to be perfectly honest. Here is Marc Jacob and his boyfriend, some Brazilian dude whose name I don't know, at the beach. I know Marc Jacob IS Louis Vuitton right now, so he didn't pay a cent for the gear, but still, who takes Louis Vuitton beach towels, a Louis Vuitton bag and a Hermes bag (being used as a beach tote -does this trick not know there's a waiting list?!) to lounge on the beach. After seeing this photo, I swear, if I was vacationing near them, I would rob their asses the second they jumped into the water.

You wouldn’t? That ugly-ass towel retails for $450 USD. I’m not even going to Google the Hermes. I suspect their flip-flops cost more than a week of my pay.

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THIS IS WHY I STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH

I have tremendous faith, but I have no love for organized religion. Truthfully, most churches are filled with hypocrites. People who would rather go around telling others what they’re doing wrong, rather than deal with their own house.

Decent people like that write gossip blogs, they don’t stand on pulpits.

Seriously, to me, churches, synagogues, temples, any house of God, should be working with their parishioners and the community to make this world a better place. Feeding the poor, giving counsel to those in need. NOT organizing bus trips to protest Lady Gaga.


The Westboro Baptist Church has plans for Lady Gaga on January 7 and they’re looking for a few volunteers. Westboro has issues with Lady Gaga’s fashion and music and her corrupting influence on America. As a result they are holding a protest outside her concert in St. Louis next month.

You remember Westboro Baptist Church? The church that used the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan to protest gay marriage (yeah, I'm still working on the connection too). I cannot imagine how you could be a member of this church. How you could join this farce. If these fools were serious about labelling people whores and trying to save the world from their corrupting influence, hell if these people were truly doing "God’s work", these bitches would have gone after Paris Hilton years ago.

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NY POST'S PAGE SIX BLIND ITEM

Just Asking
Which male model is regretting he got carried away with a certain starlet? He succumbed to her aggressive seduction, didn't use protection and now worries he may have contracted an STD . .
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Gucci model Adam Senn and Lindsay Lohan.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

>> Friday, December 25, 2009


Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

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MERRY CHRISTMAS (NETHERLANDS)!

>> Thursday, December 24, 2009


It's Christmas Day in the Netherlands (and the rest of Europe)! Wishing Shelley, Ahmet and Tugrul (and my other European readers) a Very Merry Christmas!

Love,

Nicola

P.S. The rest of you North American peeps will get yours in a couple of hours!
P.P.S. You know, I don't think Ahmet is Christian, and I have no clue what your faith is Tugrul. Maybe I should just say Happy December 25?! ;)
P.P.P.S. Nothing represents the "birth of Christ" like a fat white guy in a red suit and a bottle of Coco Cola.

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CARRIE ON? FOR WHAT?


The SEX AND THE CITY 2 movie trailer. One minute and twenty-one seconds, and I have no clue what it's about. Not a good sign.

I'll still be there opening weekend.

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YOUNG FOREVER -FOREVER YOUNG


Jay-Z dropped the new video for his single ‘Young Forever’. It samples ‘Forever Young’ by Alphaville. Alphaville's ‘Forever Young’ came out 25 years ago.

TWENTY FIVE!!! and!

So confused. If 'Forever Young" came out so long ago, how is it that I know the words to this song? I must have listened to golden oldies radio stations when I was a kid. Yeah that's it.

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I CAN'T EVEN DRESS FOR A MOVIE


I've already admitted that my sister got the fashion gene. She’s the Prada, Gucci, and Donna Karen (not DKNY) wearing sibling. I’m the broke ass b*tch shopping the Gap sales racks. That being said, I didn’t realize how far out of the fashion loop I was. I swear, I’ve never seen anything like this in the Gap.

Amber Rose and her boyfriend (still!) Kayne West went to the movies this week. Is this what I’m supposed to be wearing to the cinema? Because while Spanx makes leggings, I’m pretty sure if I rip slashes into mine, it’s only going to cause my fat to bulge out. Somehow I don’t think Toronto is ready for that. Hell, I’m pretty confident Toronto doesn’t want any part of that.

Got to give Amber props. She’s an inspiration to lesbian strippers everywhere. Rumor has it Kanye’s going to propose to her. Can you imagine? Kanye is even dumber than we all thought.

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WHAT HAPPENED TO ‘NO MORE DRAMA’?



Mary J. Blige doesn’t joke in her relationship. Mary was out celebrating her record release last night at club M2 in NYC, when she punched husband Kendu Isaacs in the face, drawing blood, after she thought he was flirting with a waitress.

According a Page Six to a witness, "she turned to him and was screaming, 'You're not going to ruin my night.'" "They got up in each other's faces before someone tried to separate them, at which point she shoved the guy aside, pulled back and popped [Isaacs] in the face." The source said Blige, Isaacs and their entourage were whisked through a door to the attached club Pink, which was closed. Our witness relates, "She was yelling at him, 'What are you gonna do, Chris Brown me?' Four of her bodyguards and two of the club's kept them apart." Isaacs was kicked out. Blige went to the bathroom to fix her hair and makeup, but soon fled, creating an uncomfortable scene for party goers Jay-Z, BeyoncĆ© and Busta Rhymes. Her rep said denies the incident even happened.

Maybe I’m naĆÆve, but this ghetto love BS is tiresome. Why would you be in a relationship with someone who resorts to shoving, punching or even “getting up in your face.” Life is too short. Your home should be your refuge not your prison. When this nonsense is going on, it’s time to move on.

By the way, I love the “What are you gonna do, Chris Brown me?” Chris is the new Ike Turner for our generation. Although in this case Mary, you’re Chris Brown.

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CELINE DION: THE MOVIE?


I'll shamefully admit, I have far too much Celine Dion in my iTunes, far more than any self respecting black girl should. I have a soft spot for Little Ms Quebecois. But this I can't support. CELINE: THROUGH THE EYES OF THE WORLD.

The title alone is pure f*ckery.

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WHEN DID I BECOME A CHEAP DRUNK?

>> Wednesday, December 23, 2009



I used to be able to hold my liquor. I used to pride myself on the fact that I’ve only been REALLY drunk once in my life. It involved several beers at a cheesy bar near campus. By the halfway point, I was stooped over a toilet taking a pee in the bathroom, pants around my ankles, the stall door wide open, hands bracing both sides of the stall, in a desperate attempt at staying up right. Several young women chose that moment to enter. What do you say at times like that? Because ‘excuse me,’ didn’t cut it. I won’t even tell you how the night ended, because honestly, there’s a huge chunk of it that I can’t remember. Since then, I’ve held my own. No more embarrassing moments. No throwing up. No shame.

Well tonight I came home with my $1.99 BK Whopper and sat to eat it with a glass of cheap Chilean red wine (I’m all class). People that was an hour and a half ago. I’ve been sitting here, with my head rolling around on my neck, fingers numb (I don’t know why) drunk. One glass, I swear. I wanted a second glass, but suddenly my kitchen seems miles away –I can see it, but I already know I can’t make it there.

I think I may have to sleep this off.

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KARATE KID - REDONE

>> Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan star in the remake of THE KARATE KID (Sony Pictures). I don't know what I was expecting but the movie trailer is not bad. Of course, Black kid moves to China and gets his ass kicked by the locals, is not the angle I thought they were going to take, but I bet this movie does crazy box office in Asia and probably here too.

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NICK NEEDS TO GROW A PAIR


Mariah's money cannot be worth it. Surely Nick can go back to school, get a degree and land some desk job. Being Mariah's bitch is liable to drive him mad.

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey continue their 'Christmas in Aspen' tour. Call me strange, but  I find the obvious attempt at coordinating their outfits disconcerting. People shouldn't put in any effort to look this lame.

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WHAT'S A "REVENGE PREGNANCY"?


I've heard of getting pregnant to trap someone, but Angelina already has six kids. So what exactly is a "revenge pregnancy"? In Touch Weekly's cover seems to be delivering coal for the holidays. Angelina gets pregnant because Brad and Jen  have a heartfelt meeting? Maybe it's me, but I think if Angelina wanted revenge, she could come up with something that didn't involve her getting stretch marks and swollen ankles.

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LAINEY GOSSIP BLIND ITEM

Tranny Ego Blow

I’ve been saving up. There’s an even smuttier one to come later. But it’s almost Christmas. Christmas is about gossip gifts. This one is NOT FOR PRUDES.

He was working out one day at the gym and a well known tranny caught his eye. So he gave her the signal and they ended up in the bathroom where he told her it wasn’t the first time he’d been with a tranny and then she blew him and the entire time it was all cocktalk as he kept asking her “Do you know whose dick you’re sucking…?” like she was supposed to be honoured by his penis in her mouth. With him, it’s always about ego. Even when he’s being serviced, he still needs affirmation for his ego. Hilariously though, at the time, she had no clue she was helping herself to an award winning artist.

Not 50 Cent. Not Justin Timberlake. Not Josh Groban.

The Gossip Wrap-Up Guess: The "nots" threw me, why throw 50 Cent into this. Unless it's to imply hip hop or Black. Because I was totally going for John Mayer. This screamed John Mayer. Oh god! Kanye West.

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OH MERCY! SHE'S BACK


I haven't seen Mercy of Malawi in a while. Here she is arriving in London with her mama Madonna.  The Africans and the boy don't seem to get the camera time like Lourdes. Too bad. Mercy is wearing that hat and scarf likes she's a supermodel. Too cute.

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CAUGHT...WITHOUT MAKE-UP


Jessica Simpson went out and about in NYC yesterday, without make-up. Good for her, I'm not a celebrity and I rarely do that (I get sick of people asking me if I'm sick -I'm the yellowest black girl in Canada).

I can't hate on Jessica, well I can, but not for this. She looks good. Although, I didn't realize how much she contours the hell our of her nose with make-up.

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NY POST'S PAGE SIX BLIND ITEM

JUST ASKING

Which knock out party girl, a mistress of a huge sports star, has her lips plumped at the SmoothMED clinic on East 59th Street? . . . The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Obviously one of Tiger's mistresses, which one? Why would anyone bother to learn their names. On a plus note, at least we know where NOT to get our plastic surgery. All of Tiger's girls look busted.

WHICH lady who recently filed for divorce is trying to lure her husband to a Christmas reunion? Friends suspect she hopes to generate footage for a reality show.
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: NY Socialite Tinsley Mortimer.

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WHEN CELEBRITIES HAVE NO FRIENDS...


Mariah Carey risking her life in Aspen this weekend. Seriously, who wears boots like that when there's snow and ice on the ground. Those are an accident waiting to happen.  I'm not even going to discuss the leggings/stuffed sausage look she's rocking. She can't even stand straight. SMH.

At some point Mariah is going to have to hire someone who is willing to tell her "No".

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LAINEY GOSSIP BLIND ITEM

>> Monday, December 21, 2009

No one will tell him he sucks
There’s a dirtier riddle coming later in the week but here’s an easy quickie for now.

He wants this so badly, to be taken seriously as an actor. But on the set of his new movie, everyone is baffled. By how terrible he is. Like laughably terrible. The worst timing, the most awkward line reads, cheesy expressions… at this point it’s become a fun work-time activity: watch him get through a scene, feel the fontrum for him while he sucks it so hard so obliviously, giggle your tits off later because he walks around thinking he is the sweetest sh-t ever.

There’s an ego involved, of course, and he actually thinks he’s doing a good job, that he is gifted in this discipline too. Please. He is not gifted. And his lack of gifts in this respect could cost the entire production. The weakest link drags it all down. Which is why people are mystified that the director has not bothered to fix it. Like suggesting more classes, like pushing his coach, like replacing him with someone who can actually do it? None of the above. Word is, he’ll make the corrections in post by greatly reducing the role. Unless there’s a miracle and suddenly Cate Blanchett comes out of his ass to save the day. Not likely.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Too easy, Justin Timberlake.

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BRITTANY MURPHY - RIP

>> Sunday, December 20, 2009


I just returned from another day at the mall. I haven't posted in a few days because “the celebrity beat” has been boring. Nothing interesting has been going on, I guess, everyone is gearing up for the holiday season. But this is not what I wanted to return me to this blog.

Today, at the age of 32 Brittany Murphy has died.

I pretty sure I've poked fun at Brittany over the past year. She has obviously been abusing drugs (and plastic surgery). But we all kind of hope they turn out like Robert Downey Jr. Despite my extreme b*tchiness, I would like to think that eventually, we all get the opportunity to get our sh*t together.

Brittany was such a talented actress (think CLUELESS or GIRL INTERRUPTED). Unfortunately, we never got the opportunity to see what she was truly capable of.

Rest in peace Brittany. My condolences to her family and friends.


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SO HARD & SO GOOD!

>> Thursday, December 17, 2009


Well not really, but you know I have this need to support my girl.

Rihanna premiered her new music video 'Hard' featuring Young Jeezy today. I've kind of grown sick of this song but only because I've had it on heavy rotation on my Ipod for the last two week. But the styling on the video is kind of cool and the make-up is good, love RiRi in the red lips. And hey, any video containing a hot pink military tank -well you know an MTV Video Award is coming. ;)

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LAINEY GOSSIP BLIND ITEM

Holiday Riddles

Which recently singled douchebag’s publicist has been calling every tabloid begging them to print his version of the breakup in order to protect his ego? The rep has been desperately trying to play competing publications against each other to make sure his client comes out of it with his penis size preserved which only reinforces the widely held belief that his client is a giant prick – in personality, and not necessarily in his pants.
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Not sure why Lainey is doing this as a blind, but Alex Rodriguez

Everyone knows about this delightful action star’s relationship with the head of his company and that his wife isn’t really his lover. But the boyfriend is jealous and overprotective and now his hiring practices are raising some eyebrows. He will not hire anyone prettier/hunkier/more stylish than he is for fear of tempting his famous partner.
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Hugh Jackman and John Palermo

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COVERIN' IT: THE 'WE'RE IN A RECESSION' EDITION


What in Gods name is this? Whitney Houston covers the January 2010 edition of In Style magazine. When I first saw this,  I was trying to figure out if this was an international edition of In Style from some impoverished third world nation, like Haiti or Rwanda. But then I realized that Haiti is a French speaking nation, and Rwanda is selling coffee to Starbucks, so they’re flush now.

Thank you In Style for putting Whitney on the cover. Thank you for representing women over forty. Hell, thank you for encouraging people who are battling addictions. But, were funds so low that you had to shoot this at the Sears Portrait Studio?

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SOMEBODY NEEDS BETTER PEOPLE


This is how you know your co-workers and handlers don’t like you. Nicole Kidman worked the red carpet looking like her powder puff attacked her for way too long. I wonder how many people she passed before someone finally said something.

SMH. This is rather embarrassing, I actually feel sorry for her.

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COVERIN' IT


Carrie Underwood hides her b*tch face on the January 2010 edition of Self magazine. Is it me, or has Carrie Underwood’s face changed since winning American Idol?

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RANDOM SHOTS

>> Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Madonna arrived at the NINE premiere with daughter Lourdes. Do you get the impression that Madonna's fighting aging with every ounce of her time and energy?  Lourdes looks cute though.

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NY POST'S PAGE SIX BLIND ITEMS

Just asking
Which television anchor is frantically denying he had an affair with his wife's sister? . . .
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Matt Lauer
WHICH Meatpacking nightclub has bouncers who have come up with a new revenue source? When underage patrons present fake ID, the door guards threaten to turn them over to police, then offer to give back the IDs -- for a fee . . .
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Tenjune?
WHICH Hollywood hottie is less than impressed with her ex-boy friend's equipment? She's telling friends he's a flop in the sack.
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I don't think Kate Hudson is a hottie, but I'm too lazy to look up recent break-ups.

Source

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COVERIN' IT: THE "IT'S A BIT SOON" EDITION


Kendra shows off her new baby Hank Jr, on the cover of OK! magazine. Confused. Didn't Kendra have this kid 4 days ago? Did she take these photos in the maternity ward?

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BUT WHERE ARE HER TATTOOS?

>> Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Rihanna covers the January 2010 edition of GQ magazine -half naked. Not much of a surprise there (actually, what took her so long). The fact that they seemed to have airbrushed off all of her tats is kind of shocking though.

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WHERE ARE THE SUPERMODELS?

>> Monday, December 14, 2009


Rachel McAdams covers the January 2010 edition of Vogue magazine.

I suppose I should be grateful, after all Rachel McAdams is Canadian. But damn, why can't THEY return? Who decided that fashion couldn't be ruled by impossibly beautiful women (with no talent) who are airbrushed to death? Where are the supermodels?

By the way, my fat ass needs some help with this cover. "When Size 4 is too Big"? Is that code? Are the Illuminati dropping clues? Did Dan Brown edit this edition?

On what planet is size 4 too big? I think this is why I don't buy Vogue magazine.

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SOMEONE SEND CHRIS BROWN A HUG


I almost feel sorry for Punk Ass. Almost.

Punk Ass, the artist formerly known as Chris Brown is learning a lesson that most of us learned many years ago. Sometimes “sorry” isn’t enough.

In the weeks leading up to Chris Brown’s and Rihanna’s CD releases, people were picking sides, with Chris Brown’s fans being the more vocal of the bunch. Screaming about how they were going to support Chris. Well stupid me, not once did it ever occur to me that it could possibly be record label trolls writing those pro-Chris/Anti-Rihanna comments on blogs. Because if all of these women actually supported Chris, his album would be breaking records and it ain’t.

Chris Brown, who released his new album last Monday, has learned a valuable lesson. Karma’s a woman. And she’s one angry b*tch.

Chris took to twitter this weekend to complain that his fans were being denied access to his (poorly reviewed) CD. It seems that some record stores refused to order it. And other retailers who did order it, some of their managers refused to stock it on the store shelves, leaving his CDs sitting in the back in unopened boxes. I guess a lot more people have personal histories with domestic violence than Chris or his label thought.

Chris needs to stop using Twitter to whine about his troubles. He should have sat his ass down for about a year and let Rihanna do her thing. Then he should of stepped out. People smirked at Rihanna only selling 194,000 units the first week out, but that was a personal best for her. Chris' last album sold 295,000 during its first week. His latest might not even crack 100,000.

Too bad kid, welcome to the real world.

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GAGA FOR MAC

>> Sunday, December 13, 2009


MAC Cosmetics latest ad campaign for Viva Glam Lipstick featuring a toned down Lady Gaga and Cindi Lauper. Pretty...disappointing. Between MAC and these two, I thought MAC would have gone a lot more "out there".

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WHEN CELEBRITY PARENTING GOES BAD

Maybe it's the Scientology. Or maybe it's because they're idiots. Either way, we need to get Children's Aid involved.Will and Jada Pinkett Smith carry on a tradition followed by millions of African-Americans -f*cking up their kids hair. Jaden Smith doesn't need a comb, he needs a scissors.


Willow and her mama Jada Pinkett Smith. Willow's role models are Cassie and Rihanna. *blank stare*
BTW. Is Willow a singer now? Or is she really excited?

The sexualization of Suri Cruise continues. High heels, earrings, gold purse, and lipstick. Suri Cruise waves to her dad while he's filming on location in Spain. Folks, it’s not dress up when they wear it every single day. Maybe we were way off on Tom's "preferences"?


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THE MIRACLE WORKER RETURNS


Oh bless us, Lindsay Lohan has returned from her life saving mission in India! Here Lindsay is fresh off the plane at LAX. She's jonesing isn't she? I guess it’s hard to score in a foreign country, especially when a BBC camera crew is following you around.

Lindsay Lohan went to India to save the Indians from themselves last week. Actually, she went to India to make a BBC documentary about child trafficking. I guess the BBC thought that if they got Lindsay Lohan involved, the world would finally take the problem of child trafficking seriously. Lindsay, being the attention whore that she is, upon her arrival in India, took to twitter to tell us all about her “heroic” work. Lindsay tweeted after arriving in India: "Over *40 children saved* so far...... Within one day's work...... This is what life is about..... Doing THIS is a life worth living!!!"

It seems that Lindsay Lohan tweeted this while waiting in the customs line at the airport. And unfortunately for Lindsay, they have access to Twitter in India, and the Indians understand English better than she does.

A leading social activist and lawyer, known only as Bhuwan, of the campaign group Bachpan Bachao Andolan, accused Lohan of portraying the dangerous child rescue operation as a superficial event, one that could be carried out "in a day by passing celebrities". It seems he, and his organization did all the hard work for months, and carried out the raid the day before Lindsay arrived in India.

I don’t know what the BBC is trying to prove with this nonsense. Taking a serious issue and throwing Lindsay Lohan into the mix isn’t going to help anyone. Lord knows Lindsay can’t even save herself, why the hell are they taking her half way across the globe just so she can pretend to save others?

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RANDOM SHOTS - PINK


Pink performing in London England this weekend. Nice to see someone wearing one of Lindsay Lohan for Ungaro fashion designs.

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2010 IS NOT GOING TO BE A GREAT YEAR FOR PLAYBOY


So this is what she’s up to now. I was wondering why Tara Reid suddenly popped up on the radar about two weeks ago. “Supposedly” engaged to some rich dude. I didn’t take the bait, because frankly, who gives a damn about Tara Reid. Tara Reid is what should have happened to Lindsay Lohan. F*ck up and you go directly to the F list. But alas, Tara’s back. Covering the January/February edition of Playboy. Two months of this! Thank God February is a short month.

Poor Tara, she did not play her cards right. Girlfriend looks like she could have been one of Tiger's girls. I guess there is a Vegas nightclub waiting for her resumĆØ.

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WHEN POSTER ART GOES BAD


They released the movie poster for Miley Cyrus' upcoming flick, THE LAST SONG this week. Is Miley supposed to look crazy in this picture? Or was this the best photo they could come up with?

This flick has CROSSROADS written all over it.

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TED CASABLANCA'S BLIND VICE BLIND ITEM

>> Friday, December 11, 2009

Straight Dude Buds Stand Up Tall for Toothy Tile

Something our dear, closeted Toothy Tile most certainly does not share with his also-in-the-closet brethren like Lloyd Boy-Toyed, Crotch Uh-Lastic and Jackie Bouffant is a virtual cornucopia of straight buds.

I don't mean the pretend kind, but the ones you never see Toothy photographed with. Yeah, you heard me right: These are heterosexual bros with whom Toothy loves to shoot the shit, have a few brews, talk about the broads, all that 100-percent-cotton American man stuff Toothy just can't seem to let go from his, like, totally gay life.

OK, it's cool, I have tons (maybe a few) gay friends who are completely into the SUVs/watching sports/unshowered thing, maybe it's not so completely weird that Toothy's wired that way a little, too?

But what's wacko is when these boy-buds o' Toothy's start, shockingly...

...coming to the put-upon pooftah's defense! At parties! At bars! At ball games! At beach barbecues! It's getting friggin' hi-larious!

And no, these dudes who actually do know Toothy rather well are not defending Mr. Tile's very publicized fauxmance and whether or not it's legitimate, hardly.

Nope, instead, they're busy saying, as of late, that Toothy and his man are doin' just fine, thank you, and further more, "They're the real thing." These het amigos like to tell this to anybody who starts talking crap about their good friend.

Backstabbing gossip gets these hetero friends of Toothy's so very riled up, they've lately been stating how "in love" Mr. and Mr. Toothy Tile happen to be right now. So there!

Wow. With friends like that, who needs gossip columns? But ain't it nice to now how truly true-blue Toothy is?

I knew it all along, didn't you?

I mean, come on, I would never have given a hateful scum-schmuck such press. Toothy's cool. Just currently a bit lost.

And It Ain't: James Marsden, Kellan Lutz, Javier Bardem

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I read this thing twice, and I still don't know what the f*ck Ted Casablanca is saying. Jake G, if you're Toothy, please come out. I can't take much more of this crap.

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IT'S TIME TO RE-EVALUATE THE MEDS


Britney Spears out in LA yesterday. This picture kills me. The fashion...the hair...the smile. This is effort. Jebus save her.

Britney is only 28 years old, but she looks a mess. She looks like she's teetering -like she’s barely holding “the crazies” at bay. I wonder, now that the world tour is over, and everyone has earned their cut, if the boyfriend will head for greener pastures.

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RANDOM SHOTS: THE VEVO WEBSITE LAUNCH

>> Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Vevo –the music video website launched last night (it’s about damn time someone came up with this). Anyone who is anyone was there -Chris Brown wasn’t, draw your own conclusions.

My girl Rihanna was. Which is great, because I only just remembered that I am stalking Rihanna. Here is the Vevo Launch as seen through the beauty that is Rihanna.


Sheryl Crow and RiRi. They're both wearing heels, but Rihanna's a giant.


John Mayer and Rihanna. It's like she sucked all the beauty out of John Mayer. He might want to go see a doctor.

The Canadian Connection Justin Barbier and his god awful haircut, tries to feed off of Rihanna's fabulousness. Maybe he should just get the name of her hairdresser instead.


Rihanna and Adam Lambert. Adam needs to ease up on the make-up, or hire a professional, 'cause it wasn't that sort of party.


Mariah Carey looking fabulous and Rihanna. I'm loving Mariah again, but only because I saw PRECIOUS, and because I haven't gotten her new album.


Rihanna was just being kind. Rihanna and Pete Wentz (just like Tiger, marriage doesn't agree with Pete either).


Beauty and talent times two: Taylor Swift and RiRi.

And finally, because no one loved her enough to tell her, I have to do the dirty work. Rihanna you need to get your roots done (and maybe a conditioning treatment). How could she be walking around with the back of her head looking like this?

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COVERIN' IT: TIGER WATCH

Tiger Woods is getting plenty of tabloid love this week. It’s probably the only love he’s getting right now. But I think that’s actually a good thing. His penis is probably welcoming the rest.

The Tiger Saga continues. Thirteen days, eleven skanks and 4 more tabloids this week. People, In Touch Weekly, Us Weekly and OK! magazine are convinced this is the only story you want to hear about.



It’s like Rihanna and Chris Brown story all over again. Only this time, I’m not rooting for anyone.

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