Let me begin by saying I'm not a fan of Jessica Simpson. If you've read my posts on her, the reasons are self explanatory. She's an idiot. I have no respect for any woman, famous or otherwise who plays dumb to get ahead. I have particular contempt for those in the public eye who perpetuate that whole stereotype. With that, Jessica gained like 10 pound. Holy sh*t! Big deal! Maybe, she's on the “Food is Love Diet” (which is better than the “Cocaine for Thinness” diet Lindsay Lohan appears to have signed up with). Or maybe she's comfortable in her relationship. Or maybe like most of many of us, she stressed about her career, and is abusing food as a result. Lord knows Jessica Simpson should be stressed about her career. But attacking her for gaining weight is wrong. Attacking her for gaining weight and dressing like a Hot Ass Mess, completely appropriate -high-waisted jeans on anyone who's not anorexic is a fashion disaster waiting to happen if you ask me. But there should not be a world wide debate. Hell, if someone put a picture of my Oprah arms on the Net, I would... actually I would probably have a good laugh and then get my ass to the gym. Which I suspect is exactly what Jessica Simpson will be doing. Only she's going to be making money off of it.

Not one to spread rumors or anything (insert snicker here), but even us Angelina Stans have to admit, this woman is not a big fan of fat. Here she is at the Benjamin Button premiere in Tokyo last night, looking a little plump. Baby number 7? It might explain her bizarre fashion choices of late. Bizarre as in ugly.

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Oprah Arms be damned. Back Fat will be ignored. Today I'm a Size Two Too! If Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt are size 2, then so am I. Join me ladies.

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Jet Travolta's death is a tragedy on so many fronts. Now John Travolta is subjected to magazine covers with that awful toupee. Fat one day, cheated on the next. Jessica Simpson can't win on the cover of Star.

Caylee must be a big seller for People Magazine. This is her 4th cover. (Plus I love the positive spin on Jessica Simpson "debuts her curvy new body!")

Tom, Katie, Jennifer and Jessica cover OK Magazine -so many losers, so little cover space. I would have thought that Katie's anorexia would get in the way of her baby making.

Life & Style dissed Zahara again! You'd think with Obama in the White House, the black kid would get some cover play.

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WICKED WHISPERS: Which married Oscar winner was caught pants- down in a club closet, getting naughty with a tranny? The waitress who walked in on the pair was so stunned, she dropped her drink tray. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Sean Penn (LOL)

I sent an e-mail out last Saturday morning to the winner of the L'Oreal Paris Double Extension Beauty Tubes Mascara Gossip Wrap-Up! Giveaway (I just have a funky e-mail address no name). Please check your Junk Mail Folders. If I get no response by Wednesday Night, I'll repick a name Thursday morning. Thanks!

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F*ck Kate Winslet and Sean Penn, two names are going to be in the press for the next couple of weeks. Knox and Vivi! Vivi looks like a snowball. She's so cute! I want to squeeze her until her eyes pop out! OK, I went all creepy there, but you know what I mean. It's like Shiloh Part Deux!These kids better get the shocked expression off of their faces. This is your world now, get used to it. Zahara in faux fur. Why do they take photos of Suri Cruise, when Zahara Jolie Pitt exists. We need a cage match! Zahara will kick Suri's ass! Pax still has the best hair. What the hell are they feeding Shiloh? She's a giant!

Ladies, this is not the way to make your ex-boyfriend jealous. Didn't Chelsy know the paps would be all over her? Prince Harry must have had a good laugh over this one. Can we give up on the spray tanning people? Orange doesn't look good on anyone.

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I got sick of Barack Obama shortly after he won the Democratic Nomination because he was everywhere. Looks like the magazines are at it again. Really Entertainment Weekly?

Jessica Simpson isn't fat. She's what you might call "thick" but since she's a celebrity, she's probably just normal sized. Here is the issue though. If I tried to walk out the house with a leopard print belt accentuating my waistline, high waisted jeans on my fat ass, and my Oprah arms on display, my friends would throw bricks at me. My friends wouldn't let me walk down the street in this outfit, let alone perform on stage. Her stylist had better be a blind volunteer, 'cause if Jessica is paying this bitch, than she's dumber than I thought.

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I can't say I was loving the fashions at last nights Screen Actors Guild Awards. Is it me, or has the Red Carpet been a bit of miss lately? Maybe with the recession actors were intentionally trying to look like broke ass bitches. I don't recall seeing any Harry Winston, Fred Leighton or even Kays Diamonds for that matter. There still better then us, although she looks like ass. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.Unfortunately Angelina is so beautiful she can wear crap and still look edible. The Award for excessive use of Botox goes to Marcia Cross. Eva Longoria better be hiding a baby under all of that ugliness. Not any better close up. She still creeps me out, but Evan Rachel Woods looks great. Clearly spending time away from Hollywood has effected Penelope Cruz style. Am I the only one who thinks Sean Penn looks like a wife beater? I don't think it helps that Robin Wright Penn always looks like she's suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. Teri Hatcher is smiling because she hasn't seen the mirror. I'm going to give the cancer survivor a break. But there really isn't any excuse for this sh*t Christina Applegate. Again, why does Anne Hathaway have a beauty contract? Is this why I don't use Lancome? America Ferrera, who let you out of the house in that dress? It's so unflattering I hurt for her.

WICKED WHISPER: Which nymphette actress had a really, really swell time in rehab, and has been telling pals that she “got laid there” all the time? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Gotta go with Lindsay Lohan on this one.

Lindsay Lohan, hanging out with 'Llays' -Lindsay's Less Attractive Younger Sister, Ali. Lindsay Lohan is still on her "diet". Good for her for sticking with the plan. Of course the last time Lindsay got this skinny, it didn't end so well. What I love the most about Lindsay Lohan is that she's delusional. She thinks she is so much smarter than the rest of us. This nitwit actually thinks she has everyone fooled.

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I’ve previously mentioned that I have mental illness in my family. Because of that I am always paying attention to little things just in case 'the crazies' sneak up on my ass. Seriously, look at the Britney Spears case for example. You think your going about your life same as usual, having no idea that you've 'crossed over’. Then one day you look around and discover you’ve not only moved to Crazy Town, but you own real estate, a dog, and have a full-time job there. This is my biggest fear. I would tell you that this keeps me up at night, but I know how that would look. I do have a back-up though. My friend “X” who has similar familiar issues, is my lookout. We have a deal if we see the other ‘packing our moving boxes’ so to speak, we’ll demand they get help. Unfortunately “X” is a collector. She buys stuff and hoards it, sale items, eBay -you name it, she’s been there and bought from it. If you’ve watched enough Oprah, I don’t have to tell you how that’s going to turn out. This brings me to iTunes. Do you have an iPod? Probably. Unless you have Zune, then I need to meet you because I have never in my life met anyone who owns one. My Love for my iPod and in extension, my iTunes, is making me crazy. I’m obsessed with sorting. Rather I’m obsessed with iTunes inability to sort properly. Have you noticed? Other people have. As a result I have become obsessive compulsive with my iTunes library. I have about 50 movies, 4 television series and just under 500 albums in my iTunes library. And lately, I've been spending hours sorting it, so it appears better in my iPod. I've gone online and Googled tips. I've sacrificed serious gossip time just to make my iTunes library look beautiful. My sister says I need to get a life. But I can’t because in order to walk down the street and enjoy said "life", I need my iPod to work properly. I know what this means. I am now renting a timeshare in Crazy Town. The bastards at Apple are responsible. I’m thinking class action lawsuit. Anyone in?

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One Black Boys Are Delicious Blind Vice Prius Crotch-Catch is so famous, so gorgeous, so down with everything cool in T-town: from always dating the hippest dude, to starring in the latest hit. She’s also politically aware! And she’s so full of enviable girl power, so pure! Surely she doesn’t snort evil drugs or sleep around! Everyone loves and wants to be Prius! Oh, and even though PC-C’s fallen in love from time to time, lately, she’s been on her own—but now appears to be settling sweetly down again. Everyone’s breathing a sigh of belated relief. So fab that Prius has met her latest BF, a fine and steady dude who knows nothing of his girl’s immediate and shocking past, which includes: Many, many cocaine-powered nights of hot, endless and very loud sex that white chick Prius just stopped having with Wally Wallup, an African-American dude who’s as studly as he is rich and infamous. No one knew Prius and Wally were dating—and they liked it that way, too, as they were wholly hooking up just for the wild nooky. Jeez, thought it was just the gays who went for the meaningless, sweaty hot sex, but what the ef do I know? Just that the hipster hotel where Wallup and Crotch-Catch always did it became even more infamous than it already is when the gorgeous twosome’s screams, snorts and clandestine meetings became so...well, vocal. Indeed, Mr. Wallup had to start posting his bodyguards outside their suite doors just to keep folks from breaking in and calling 911, or joining in, take your pick. Doesn’t matter anymore, as Prius C-C only has eyes for her just-snagged, far-less-athletic nooky partner. Won’t last. Uh-uh, no friggin’ wild-sex-starved way. Mark my snoopy (and wise) words. And It Aint: Rachel McAdams, Scarlett Johansson, Hayden Panettiere Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Prius Crotch-Catch -Drew Barrymore -not Diaz (I think the 3 syllable last names are a clue); Wally Wallup-I'm thinking P.Diddy (who was rumored to have a fling with her former(?) BFF Diaz)

The Daily Mail is reporting that Sienna Miller has signed to make her Broadway debut. Sienna will star in After Miss Julie, playwright Patrick Marber’s adaptation of August Strindberg’s Miss Julie. Sienna will portray the sexually provocative Miss Julie. The play will open in September. I, for one, can't wait for her arrival. Gatecrasher and Page Six will have a new subject for their blind items.

Wicked whisper Which d-bag actor beats his beautiful action-star girlfriend? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green

I was going to call this The Suite Life, but then I saw a picture of this Tudor monstrosity, and was over it. Fresh off their nominations for Best Actor/Actress, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are set to rent the above pictured house on Long Island. Nassau County Executive Thomas Suozzi let slip Wednesday that the Hollywood actress would be on location at the former Grumman facility in Bethpage, filming a movie originally titled "Edwin A. Salt." Suozzi wasn't supposed to divulge the news, a spokesman says, "but he wanted to add to the intrigue and help market the movie." I love that. A government employee trying to help market a movie that hasn't started filming yet.

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Response has been great to the latest Gossip Wrap-Up! Give Away. I'm amazed how many men want the Double Extend Beauty Tubes Mascara and the Smokey Eye Make-up collection! For more details on the contest click here. If you want in, please send an email to [email protected] with the "L'Oreal Paris Double Extension Beauty Tubes Mascara" in the subject-line. "L'Oreal Paris Double Extension Beauty Tubes Mascara" MUST be in the subject line to qualify. Contest closes Friday, January 23rd. I'll announce the winner first thing Monday.

According to Pop Crunch 14-year-old Dakota Fanning has been offered the role of vampire “Jane” in New Moon, the upcoming sequel to the 2008 blockbuster Twilight. “There were no auditions. They just offered it to her outright, and now they’re in negotiations.” I think this is a great choice. Dakota annoys the hell out of me, but she does have the talent to pull off that character.

It's that time of year again! No shockers, and no double nomination for Kate Winslet. Here are the nominees for the 2009 Academy Awards: Performance by an actor in a leading role Richard Jenkins in “The Visitor” (Overture Films) Frank Langella in “Frost/Nixon” (Universal) Sean Penn in “Milk” (Focus Features) Brad Pitt in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.) Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight) Performance by an actor in a supporting role Josh Brolin in “Milk” (Focus Features) Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder” (DreamWorks, Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Doubt” (Miramax) Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.) Michael Shannon in “Revolutionary Road” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage) Performance by an actress in a leading role Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married” (Sony Pictures Classics) Angelina Jolie in “Changeling” (Universal) Melissa Leo in “Frozen River” (Sony Pictures Classics) Meryl Streep in “Doubt” (Miramax) Kate Winslet in “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company) Performance by an actress in a supporting role Amy Adams in “Doubt” (Miramax) Penélope Cruz in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” (The Weinstein Company) Viola Davis in “Doubt” (Miramax) Taraji P. Henson in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.) Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight) Best animated feature film of the year “Bolt” (Walt Disney), Chris Williams and Byron Howard “Kung Fu Panda” (DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Paramount), John Stevenson and Mark Osborne “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Andrew Stanton Achievement in cinematography “Changeling” (Universal), Tom Stern “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Claudio Miranda “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Wally Pfister “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Chris Menges and Roger Deakins “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Anthony Dod Mantle Achievement in costume design “Australia” (20th Century Fox), Catherine Martin “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Jacqueline West “The Duchess” (Paramount Vantage, Pathé and BBC Films), Michael O’Connor “Milk” (Focus Features), Danny Glicker “Revolutionary Road” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage), Albert Wolsky Achievement in directing “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), David Fincher “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Ron Howard “Milk” (Focus Features), Gus Van Sant “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Stephen Daldry “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Danny Boyle Best foreign language film of the year “The Baader Meinhof Complex” A Constantin Film Production, Germany “The Class” (Sony Pictures Classics), A Haut et Court Production, France “Departures” (Regent Releasing), A Departures Film Partners Production, Japan “Revanche” (Janus Films), A Prisma Film/Fernseh Production, Austria “Waltz with Bashir” (Sony Pictures Classics), A Bridgit Folman Film Gang Production, Israel Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song) “Down to Earth” from “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Music by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman, Lyric by Peter Gabriel “Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Music by A.R. Rahman, Lyric by Gulzar “O Saya” from “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Music and Lyric by A.R. Rahman andMaya Arulpragasam Best motion picture of the year “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), A Kennedy/Marshall Production, Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall and Ceán Chaffin, Producers “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), A Universal Pictures, Imagine Entertainment and Working Title Production,Brian Grazer, Ron Howard and Eric Fellner, Producers “Milk” (Focus Features), A Groundswell and Jinks/Cohen Company Production, Dan Jinks and Bruce Cohen, Producers “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), A Mirage Enterprises and Neunte Babelsberg Film GmbH Production, Nominees to be determined “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), A Celador Films Production,Christian Colson, Producer

Tom Cruise is taking this comeback thing seriously. Check out Katie, all tanned and glowing, eye alert. Not a crazy grin in sight. Tom is only managing to break two fingers dragging the girl down the red carpet at the British premiere of Valkyrie. But that's progress. By the way, has anyone who isn't a Scientologists seen Valkyrie? I haven't met a single soul who went to see it, yet it's made 80 million at the box office so far.

WICKED WHISPERS: Which small-screen actress is just as naughty as her TV character? The hottie was seen kissing quite a few fellas at Sundance despite having a serious boyfriend. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Eliza Dushku

There is still time to enter the L’Oréal Paris’ Double Extend Beauty Tubes Mascara Contest. Click here for the details!

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Wicked whisper Which supermodel had to have an uber-rocker’s teeth marks photoshopped off her bared bottom after her magazine photo shoot? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Weren't there pictures of Marisa Miller at a Victoria Secret Catalogue shoot? Who is she dating?

WHICH married morning-show producer rumored to be having an affair with a married on-air colleague was "fidgeting incessantly" during inauguration weekend parties with her recently ringless ring finger? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Matt Lauer is a known slut. Who's the producer?

The Obamas. I am seriously crushing on these two this morning. The Bidens. Great dress, bad hair. What's with her and the red anyways? The VP look great though. Stevie Wonder and Grizzly Adams Sting Jennifer Lopez and her soon to be ex-husband Marc Anthony. Alicia Keys was there. So was Limp Dick Leo DiCaprio. Demi "I sold my soul to the Devil for eternal youth" Moore and Ashton Kusher. Beyonce sang. Queen Latifah celebrating Obama and her Oprah Arms. For a woman with a contract with Jenny Craig and a girlfriend who's a personal trainer, she should be slimmer. Just saying. Anne Hathaway. Her face...how do I put this...she has a beauty contract? God loves Anne Hathaway! Miley Cyrus not looking like the skank we know her to be.

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