Gisele Budchen covers Vanity Fair Magazine. Is this Gisele's signature pose? I swear I've seen her do that pose way too often. Much has been printed about the Gisele Vanity Fair cover story. Gisele's comments about Tom Brady's son: “I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that, but to me it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child, I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that’s important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine.” So Gisele loves Tom Brady's son like it were her own. I think any woman would be grateful to have a stepparent who adores her child (the alternative would be so much worse). Given the fact that Bridgette Moynahan and Gisele have never met speaks volumes though. Bridgette should hate Gisele because, let's face it, Tom Brady upgraded when he went from Bridgette to Gisele. It sucks for Bridgette, but Gisele is younger, pretty, wealthier and more successful than her. Bridgette is better than me though, if I were Bridgette I would have cut the bitch.

Wicked whisper: Which top actor got caught with his pants down in a club’s closet with two very unattractive women, which his friends all proceeded to laugh at? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: "top actor" is subjective. I think it's Ed Westwick. Wicked whisper: Which pretty young songbird is freaking out male paramours with her overly hairy tummy? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Since Ashanti is neither pretty, or young, I'm going to go with Ciara on this one. Girlfriend looks like she's carrying way too much testosterone.

I'm not a huge fan of Jennifer Garner, and I know she's hasn't worked in a while. In fact playing chauffeur to her daughter Violet seems to be her only job right now. But there's no excuse for this sort of thing. My mama told me never to put on old underwear, in case I got into an accident. And this was before the birth of YouTube. Jennifer Garner's learning this lesson the hard way. Jennifer went out wearing her BAB panties -Broke Ass Bitch panties. I'm mortified for her.

you were a kid and your mom told you if you made that face God would make it stay that way forever? I guess you shouldn't make that face when your pregnant. Jessica Alba's kid is still going through her ugly phase. I kid. Little Honor Warren is just pissed that her mom put her in one of those stupid hairbands. The whole purpose of hairbands is to hold your hair back, seems kind of cruel to throw one on a kid without any.

I'm starting to crush on little "Disney Berry" aka Halle Berry's offspring Nahla Ariela Pocahontez. She's just might be the cutest celebrity kid out there. If she can just learn to give the paparazi the "cut eye" like my lil Zahara, she's going to win the crown.

You can clean up skank? For a woman who has had her breasts done a gazillion times, I'm surprised it took Pamela Anderson so long to "fix" her face. She looks "fresh". Good job on the part of the plastic surgeon, but you can see her inner skank battling its way out. I give her 8 weeks, and then she'll be back to looking like the broken down ho that we have all grown to hate.

It must suck being in Beyoncé's shadow. Kelly Rowland, one third of the Destiny's Child has been dropped by her record label. Just two months after finally getting some common sense and firing her manager, Beyoncé Knowles’ dad Matthew. Kelly was dumped by Columbia Records (Beyoncé's label), because they felt she is “no longer commercially viable”. Maybe Kelly and Solange can get together and have a pity party. I hate to say it but, it kind of serves Kelly right. After the initial success of her first solo single (her duet with Nelly "Dilemma") she should have dropped Matthew Knowles then. But she was too busy "sticking with a family", who isn't really her family. Let's see if Beyonce will pay her bills like she does Solange's. Actually I'm just assuming Beyonce pays Solange's bills, because I haven't quite figured out how that girl is paying for that gear she flosses.

The Internet is all a twitter, Madonna is set to adopt her second little African kid, a little girl named Mercy. See her above, she could be in a Feed the Children commercial. Little Mercy screams "For just $12 a month..." Who the hell are we trying to kid Madonna is never going to have a little girl named Mercy. She’ll rename her little African, Bathsheba, or Hannah or Jael or Naomi –yeah I’ve read the Old Testament. OK, I Googled “Women of the Old Testament”. Madonna should name little Mercy, “The luckiest Little Poor Kid in Africa”. It's long but it has a nice little ring to it. They can turn her story into a musical, Madonna can produce, but not star. This kid is going from communal living, second hand clothes, swollen bellies and flies to Burberry Kids and private planes. Why her?! Why not me! Doesn’t any rich celebrity want to adopt an aging, fat black girl? With the recession, Canada is practically Third World, sorry "Developing". I would be so much easier to raise. I already speak English and 6 years in the film industry has taught me how to kiss celebrity ass better than anyone. For the love of god pick me!

My celebrity obsession Tiny (aka T.I.'s baby mama) prettified herself for T.I. court appearance. T.I. will be spending a year and a day away from his PYT (Pretty Young Thing for all you kids who only know Michael Jackson as a child molester). Tiny needs to spend her year away from T.I. writing a selfhelp book "How to Keep a Man: Sex Tips to Please Him From Tiny". I would pre-order it. Take a good look at Tiny and then take a good look at T.I. Lucky bitch. I'm going to use Tiny's picture on my eharmony profile. Any guy that is interested in that, will think he's hit the jackpot once he meets me in person.

That's right, hons, it's a Twilight-style Blind Vice just for the those special cast and crewmembers who read them religiously! See, we've just discovered that our naughty Vices are a particularly favorite pastime on those foggy Twilight sets, which is just too ironic—as this one's all about a brokenhearted Twilight honey! So get ready you Twi-Twits. This week the Vice stuff is all about one castmember who's found herself in a romantically dangerous spot. Is there really ever any other kind? Twyla Babe-Sucker is a gorge young gal who has suddenly stumbled upon all this damn fame. She's dizzy from it. Who friggin' wouldn't be? But it's so tough for this thick-haired beauty to handle herself, the spotlight and a man. Especially when temptation is lurking literally right around the corner: TBS has had quite the rocky relationship with another dude, who's not a member of the megafranchise. It's been very hot-cold, even though the cupid troubles have completely flown under the press' radar (save for mine). And this guy is pretty recognizable, too. Either way, it's caused our poor babe angst 'cause so many games are being played with her head. Since the relaysh status has constantly been up in the air, it's hard to tell if either of them can really move on—especially when she's getting her makeup done, or what have you, and there's a very, very hunky, scruffy and studly guy who keeps giving her mixed signals, constantly coming up and hugging her. So intensely, too. And you know that kind of body language I'm talkin' about, don't you? Classically angsty, Twilight-style lovemaking—hold me supertight (for hours), but that's it, stop there, nothing more...for now. Truly Mormon kinda masochistic fooling around. In other words: Let's just torture ourselves for now and not give in to what we really want to do, which is to totally bone each other until Twilight isn't hauling in any more money! So what's a girl to do? I say it's time to split from the current on again, off again guy and find yourself the real deal, babe. Like, maybe the affectionate hottie who's filming right next to you? And it Ain't: Dakota Fanning, Noot Seear, Nikki Reed Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Who cares?.

Wicked whisper: Which A-list hunk got elbowed in the face by a girl after demanding she get him a bag of blow? The damsel clocked him after he called her a few (unprintable) names. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Suspect Blind Alert!! Is he short? or was he sitting down. How do you elbow an A-List celebrity in the face without more people writing about it?

Lord help her. Somebody, ANYBODY save this girl. I’m thinking of starting the “Save A Sistah” foundation. A nonprofit to help out pretty colored girls who have no common sense. Rihanna will be our first official cause. Seriously, we are watching “Career Suicide 101: The Online Version”, starring Ms. Fenty. The story, a popular celebrity gets a beat down by her famous boyfriend, lands on the cover of every tabloid in the country. But instead of getting booked on Oprah, she goes back to the “Punk Ass” formerly known as Chris Brown. The court of public opinion finds her guilty of Reckless Foolishness and Abandonment of Common Sense. Rihanna retreats, gets a new Jheri curl (actually, I think she is rocking Jheri Curl’s more attractive cousin, Le Leisure Curl). Then gets a new tattoo … of a gun. Yes Rihanna, nothing distracts people from issues of violence than guns. Good call. Guns are always a good thing for a pop star’s public image. I love how she’s making her sexy pose in this shot. I love how the tattoo artist that she flew to LA to tatt her, sold the pictures and the story. Bang Bang, her Tattoo Artist claims Rihanna did not get the tattoos on her arms (they're drawn on) because the people at Cover Girl would not like it. I don’t think this fool will have to worry about Cover Girl much longer.

Lindsay Lohan spent earlier this week whining to E! Entertainment about how the media and the bloggers are hurting her career with our lies. It would appear that Lindsay thinks the reason people aren't hiring her is due to the fact that we are constantly harping on her. According to Lindsay, she's a "good person" who wants to be in great films, work with great directors and win an Oscar one day. Lindsay claims she "doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs and doesn't lie.“ Unfortunately there is already video of her sneaking vodka into her Red Bull at a nightclub, so since we know she does drink, which then proves she does lie, shall we even bother to question her drug free status? So karma slapped Ms. Lohan in the face once again. "Labor Pains" the last movie Lindsay had in the pipeline is set to be released this year. In it Lohan plays a woman who fakes pregnancy to save herself from unemployment and is forced to keep up the lie for nine months. Instead of hitting the big screens though, the "comedy" will premiere on ABC Family in July and on DVD a month later. Even if it's free, I still won't be watching it. I have a theory about Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay doesn’t actually want to be an actress, she wants, like every other child actor, just to be famous. My goddaughter and her siblings did the acting thing until a couple of years ago. The all had marginal success, mostly US and Canadian commercials, and some episodic television, cable features and one feature film amongst them. Once I asked them why they wanted to act and they all said they wanted to be famous, they thought it was cool that their friends /teachers saw them on TV, because they never told anyone they were even acting. Lindsay Lohan reminds me of them. It’s like she’s 11 years old, and still living for that attention. It sucks that she doesn’t get to do movies, but the fact that she said in her E! interview that she would love to sign with IMG and just model all the time is telling to me. If you truly were an actress, "an artist", you would fight tooth and nail to do your art. You would do whatever it took to remain in the game -local theatre, small independent films, anything. Lindsay won’t and can’t do this. She’s completely comfortable selling herself to local club for the night, or to some cheesy product endorsement for a dollar and the exposure. She’s a fame whore, a “celebrity”, nothing more. That’s why I have no pity for her.

Another Jennifer Aniston break-up, more tabloid covers of her pining away for Brad Pitt and having a child on her own. God help us it's only Wednesday. Jennifer Aniston covers Life and Style Magazine and OK! Magazine and looks pretty crappy on both.

I think not. I know I'm in the minority here, but I think Kim Kardashian is beautiful. Talentless and useless, but still gorg. So people were laughing at her before photoshop and after photoshop Complex magazine shots. She's on the back cover of Complex Magazine's Kanye West Edition. Sorry people, even before she looks great. Everyone is airbrushed in print magazines these days. They pretty much just airbrushed her skin tone anyways. Considering how curvy Kim Kardashian is in real life, I'm pretty impressed. I officially hate her now.

WICKED WHISPERS: Which hot actor is clueless about his GF’s cocaine addiction? His lady waits until he’s off promoting a film before throwing wild drug bashes at their home. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: It's too bloody early for me for this one.

I used to work in the Entertainment Industry, back when Toronto was "Hollywood North", then came SARs, then a strong Canadian dollar and a cocky cash flush Canadian government who didn't think they needed to needed to support the film industry with grants. After I left the industry, I remember someone once telling me that in Canada, the way to job security in the Entertainment Industry was through television. Apparently, they teach the students here that the the last bill poor folks cut is cable. People will let the phone go and switch to Pay as You Go, give up their Starbucks, but Canadians will not lose their cable. Whatever. CanWest Global Television, CBC and CTV have all joined me in the BAB Club -The Broke Ass Bitches Club. It's depressing. So many people are out of work here in Toronto. One of our local papers did a story on Food Banks and featured in the article someone who I've been on set with. When I left the film world, I got a job in a bank. A lot of our customers I knew from the industry. I remember releasing holds on Social Assistance cheques, thinking Thank God I got out (thanks to a crazy Executive Producer -the only job I've ever walked off of in my life, but that's another story). So to all my (former) brothers and sisters. Hold tight. This too shall pass. If not move to Vancouver or Montreal, they're booming.

Lindsay Lohan and I have something in common. No, not a jarring hipbones and a bad case of the jitters -I wish. If I could just catch a little bit of anorexia, my Oprah Arms might actually disappear for summer (I type this while eating Cheetos, so not bloody likely). Lindsay Lohan and I are both BAB - Broke Ass Bitches. According to NY Daily News Gatecrasher “[Lindsay is] living on credit right now. She has no cash. The problem is, the money being spent is mostly Sam’s because Lindsay doesn’t really have any of her own at the moment." Clearly broke is a relative thing because Lindsay's recent purchases include a $30K Rolex watch and a new Maserati. While I'm afraid to put a Starbucks Vanilla Creme on my Visa for fear of public shame. Obviously Lindsay Lohan lives for her extremes. She can't do any vice half assed. Someone needs to tell Lindsay living on credit is so last year. 2009 is the Year of the Impoverished. But it's only March, so I'm sure Lindsay's going to find that out the hard way.

Lord knows I can't stand this girl. Scarlett Johansson is as overrated as they come, But I got to give her props. She looks fabulous on the cover of Vogue (Paris). Now her horrible red/brown hair makes sense. Now if she could just make a decent movie, her celebrity would make sense to me.

Lil Zahara and Shiloh Jolie Pitt are going to have a run for their money. There's a new cute celebrity kid out there. Halle Berry and little Nala(?) Ariel(?) Pocahontas(?). I, for the life of me, can't remember which Disney characters Halle named her after. Let's call her "Disney". Halle Berry and little "Disney" went out for a stroll. She's adorable. She looks like a boy, but that's cause her mama dressed her funny.

Kanye West covers Complex Magazine and the photo is freaking me the hell out!!! I can't look away. But the shots inside are fierce.

Jade Goody died over the weekend. Now I don't want to say unkind words about dead chicks (lest they haunt my ass), but I can't say I was impressed with the whole "Jade Goody Death March" that went on in (mostly) the British Press. Cancer as entertainment isn't cute. If you've ever watched someone succumb to the disease you know, cancer is the f*cking devil. I get that Jade wanted to leave money to her sons, which is admirable. But this bizarre public spectacle was as low class as one could get. And a tad scary. You know the media has to top this. Let's hope her children don't wind up doing a reality show with Anna Nicole's daughter when they all grow up.

Natasha Richardson covers Entertainment Weekly and People Magazine. The Entertainment Weekly cover is complete gorgeousity. Tragic.

Hollywood is conspiring against me. First, the traitorous Jon Favreau and the producers of Iron Man bitch slapped my ass with a Gwyneth Paltrow/Scarlett Johansson double team. Click here for a refresher. Now it’s the folks at Disney. As if the people responsible for Hannah Montana, hadn’t caused enough damage. Let me preface this by saying, I'm a Disney Fanatic. I love their animated flicks. Their live-action department can go to hell, but Disney Animation can do no wrong. So when I heard Disney was creating a new animated Princess, specifically an African-American Princess. I thought it was pretty cool. Pocahontas and Princess Jasmine (Aladdin) blended nicely, so I don’t think a Black Princess will have any issues. Or so I thought.The movie they chose to do is a version of the classic fairy tale The Frog Prince set in 1920's New Orleans (being released as The Princess and the Frog). You know the story, or at least some version of it, it is a “don’t judge a book by its cover” tale. I’m not going to say crap like: Why they got to have the black girl kiss an animal? I won’t go there, because (a) I like the story and (b) I’m just happy to see a “black girl” represent. Besides, Disney negated that argument by having Princess Colored Girl turn into a frog after kissing the frog Prince. I’ll pause here to let you digest that....Black girl as frog. Aurora gets a deep sleep, Belle gets put up in a mansion and Ariel loses her voice. But Princess Colored Girl becomes a frog. Kill me now. Oh and the evil character is a voodoo priestess.... That whirling noise you hear is me spinning in my freshly dug grave. Please don't tell me this is supposed to be somebody's grandma. She looks like a raisin. As you can see by the accompanying production stills, the folks at Disney Animation must be frequenting Interracialdating.com, because the frog prince ain’t black. He’s a Prince from 'Maldonia' named 'Naveen'. I’m thinking brown? Middle Eastern? Mediterranean? Who cares? This is actually the smartest piece of plot development the folks at Disney did. Given that one in three black men in their 20s is in prison, on probation or on parole, Black chicks can’t be kissing any old frog. Those aren’t good odds people! Lord only knows what Princess Colored Girl could have wound up with. Well, besides a case of frogitis. By the way, I'll be there opening day.

Cocaine impairs your judgement. Actually I have no idea what’s Lindsay Lohan is on, but really now. Does she not have people? Can she not afford people? This girl should not be left alone in the room with a journalist and a tape recorder. Even Britney’s people know that. (Granted, Britney’s people own her ass and should have named her tour Puppet Show instead of Circus, but I’ll get to that later.) So Lindsay scored a cover of a national magazine. Nylon Magazine. Lindsay Lohan, who has nothing to sell, except herself, which she does admirably even though fewer and fewer people seem to be buying. But she lives to get photographed and to bless us with these little tidbits. Please bask in the brilliance of Lindsay Lohan Queen of Denial: "It's scary when you realize, 'Oh my God, I'm not working. And I have a house to pay for now.'… and there's been some things I've really wanted to do. Like the one movie I've wanted to do for so long is Alice in Wonderland [directed by Tim Burton]. But, um, that didn't work out… it is what it is." But Lindsay is hustling! Lindsay is making things happen, she’s working on “projects”. "One is [with] Sean Penn -- I spoke to him the other day. We're trying to get Seth Rogen for this project, but Seth won't call us back. So call us back, Seth, if you're reading this!" I don’t know where to start. Let’s start with the positive. Good for her for understanding that you have to work to pay your mortgage. So many people across North America are in the same predicament. And I do feel for her. I empathize. But, and this is a BIG ole BUT… Do you think Seth Rogen’s agent is ignoring calls from Sean Penn’s agent? Or do you think Sean Penn shared some coke and a bed with Lindsay, and instead of whispering promises of “I’ll leave my wife for you…” He said (while high as a motherf*cker): “we should make a movie together with Seth Rogen.” Can you imagine a movie with Seth Rogen, Sean Penn and Lindsay Lohan? Drug dealers in a three state area would be reaping the benefits. Would it be comedy or a drama though? What kind of script involves Seth Rogen, Sean Penn and Lindsay Lohan. Did Ben Stiller write this sh*t? Doesn’t Hollywood have a casting couch? Can somebody please give Lindsay Lohan directions?

How was your week? Mine? Hell. I couldn’t even tell you what’s going on in the world. Gossip or otherwise. My family and friends could have been killed off, and I would have no idea. Because my work owned my ass this week. It monopolized my life. Why won't God let me win the lottery? Posting all weekend. Nicola

Alex Rodriguez covers Details Magazine. Yeah, I'd hit. I'd also videotape it and put it on the Internet too. A**hole or not, he's hot as all hell.

Come on people, she's been married to a gay man for like, 6 years. Eventually LeAnn Rimes had to crack. And we are finally talking about Eddie What-his-name. Kudos to both of them. LeAnn Rimes' cheating self covers Us Weekly Magazine

WICKED WHISPER:Which hip-hop icon gets laughed at when he strips down at the gym? Guysin the locker room can't believe it's that small. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I'm thinking Kayne is the same icon as last week. Not Diddy though. Definitely not JayZ. Could be Eminem though. His ex-wife was critical. But Em strikes me as a home gym kind of guy.

You would think that someone who has been taking a beating in the press for her choices, wouldn't want to upset the folks at PETA right now. Rihanna clearly needs better people. I do love the jacket though.

Smack no kids They’ve been married a while now, he’s still desperately in love with her, and has been patiently waiting to have children…only she hasn’t been healthy enough to get pregnant. Because she loves heroin. Last summer it was a last chance, he took her on extended holiday, cleaned her up, a new positive attitude, kept her busy working on a new project through the fall, away from her regular enablers, and it totally worked out. She was in a good creative space. She was able to fight the temptation. But as an actor, the work ends eventually and if there’s nothing new to do, there’s really nothing else to do. Bored and idle, the old demons have come back. One day last month he came home from a long overnight and couldn’t find her. The dealer called a few hours later telling him to pick her up, she was so out of it even he had to cut her off and she had started harassing his other clients. All the emotional wear and tear, it’s beginning to show on him physically too. But he’s working more than she is and can’t get away for several weeks so he’s hired a babysitter to watch her night and day. Babysitter. She resents him for it of course so the fights are getting worse … and the one benefitting from all of this is a slag bitch colleague who’s been waiting for her chance for a long, long time. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Rebecca Grayheart and Eric Dane

Wicked whisper What married ingenue covertly jumped into a waiting car after a recent NYC fete? The man she was caught kissing in the car definitely wasn’t her musically inclined hubby. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: no clue

Vogue - America's newest black magazine. Seriously, last month Michelle Obama, this month Beyoncé . Kind of historic. Vogue Magazine goes Black. It's only April and already we've had two blacks on the cover in one year! That's a record people. Pity it's the "Shape Issue". You know the annual edition where Anna Wintour puts fat women in her mag -this year featuring Beyoncé on the cover. Anna Wintour is all about the subtle hints. Still, Beyoncé must be thrilled. Of course, Serena Williams, Venus Williams, Jennifer Hudson AND Lebron James all made the cover before her.

A little Ugly Sexy first thing in the morning. Thank You Clive Owen and GQ (UK edition) Magazine!Ben Affleck is still around? I thought he was doing the Mr. Mom thing. Ben coves Esquire Magazine, why? I have no idea.

Must be the economy. Or the fact that some women are just dying to get famous. Either way, Tyra Banks' America's Next Top Model probably isn't the best way to get there. Has she made a top model yet? Tyra couldn't find a top model even if Andre Leon Tally bitch slapped her with one. Below is the mob scene at a tryout for the show this weekend. This year models cannot be taller than 5'7". Apparently, short people don't play.

Do you remember that gym Gwyneth Paltrow was opening up? The one even I questioned the timing of? Well, knock me over with a feather it's in trouble. According to Page Six, Gwyneth Paltrow’s new chain of fitness gyms with personal trainer to the stars Tracy Anderson has fallen victim to the global economic downturn, with the New York flagship facility, which is set to open later this year, already struggling to pull in members. Gym employees are hard at work cold-calling people to try and persuade them to join. “It’s ridiculous. Membership is like $4,500 to join and then hundreds of dollars a month. Who can afford that right now?” said one local resident contact by the gym. But you get to work out at a gym designed by Gwyneth and her personal trainer. You can't put a price on that, can you? My guess, Gwyneth will be Gooping about this one any minute now.

Wicked Whisper Which rehabbed starlet’s wallet turned up in the Financial District, with her driver’s license, black American Express card and several bags of blow? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Kirsten Dunst

JUST ASKING WHICH songbird's hard-up husband is having a hard time paying off her $500,000 engagement ring? He tried to stiff the jeweler and when finally threatened with a lawsuit, said he'd pay - on an installment plan. Gossip Wrap-Up Guess: Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey. Mariah doesn't strike me as the type of woman who would pay for her own ring.

Blind Vice: Which Heartbreaker’s Into Porn? Schlong Fenn is a real schmuck—everybody knows he treats women worse than his liver, everybody. And yes, more than a few folks are aware Schlong, who's infinitely talented in his many different creative endeavors, likes to reserve the right to Charlie Sheen it up and pay for his booty. And as if this is going to surprise anybody, Schlong isn't just paying the ladies to distract him from his many other (nonpaid) gal interests, he's going for porn stars, too. That's what happens, right? I mean, it's like drugs, I guess—one minute you're tokin' on a little Black Gold, then—wham!—-you're shootin' up with Fake à la Ferocity, right? Right: So much so… That a chick who was just filming a porn movie—high-budget stuff, no joke—right across the street from Schlong's fancyass pad just happened to end up doing Schlong, too. Hmm…wonder what S.P. was doing over there anyway, borrowing a cup of lube? 'Cause the nasty freak surely doesn't use condoms, that we know. But get this: In the course of diddling the pretty hung dude (damn shame Schlong's usually so wasted he really doesn't know what to do with his gift of an organ), she discovered that Mr. Fenn is currently having a longstanding affair with another porn actress! Crazy, I just love this! While everybody is so frantic wondering why Schlong and his gal broke up (and then got back together and broke up and then, well, you know the boring story), no one's put it together that that other babe's a triple-X kinda gal! Oh, and that's not even the best part. In some states (maybe all of them?), I don't believe Madame X is old enough to be having sex, much less making a living photographing it. It Ain't: Diddy, Nick Lachey, Rob Pattinson Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I've read this three times, maybe I'm tired, but I don't know what the hell Ted C is saying. But since there's a typo "S.P." can we assume Sean Penn

"We don't respond to all the numerous rumors . . . regarding Jennifer's personal life." Stephen Huvane, Liar Publicist for Jennifer Aniston on the John Mayer/Aniston Split.

Wicked whispers:Which rapper threatened a pal after the buddy mistreated his girlfriend? The icon got in his face, then froze him out on the group’s private jet. Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Is Kayne an icon? But I totally see someone mistaking his girl for a ho, and he does/is travelling by private jet now.

Anna Nicole Smith is back in the news. The long-since-dead actress, model, celebrity will be haunting our televisions and Internet for the next few weeks because according to TMZ, Howard K. Stern and two other doctors, have been arrested and charged with "allegedly conspiring to fuel an an addict with prescription drugs - and the addict was Anna Nicole Smith". Stern and Dr. Sandeep Kapoor (above right) and Khristine Eroshevich are being charged with a total of eight felonies.

According to the L.A. County D.A., the conspiracy counts allege the three defendants conspired to furnish controlled substances to Smith from between July 2004 and January 2007. Stern and Kapoor were charged with one count of unlawfully prescribing a controlled substance. Eroshevich and Stern were charged with unlawfully prescribing a controlled substance between June 2004 and January 2007. Kapoor and Eroshevich were each charged with obtaining a prescription for opiates by "fraud, deceit or misrepresentation." They were both also charged with one count of obtaining a prescription for opiates by giving a false name or address. Kapoor and Stern were also charged with one count of "prescribing, administering or dispensing a controlled substance to an addict." Eroshevich was charged with the same crime for separate prescriptions.

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I'm going to reveal something personal here. I don't do Gwyneth Paltrow movies. I don't do Scarlett Johansson movies and I don't do Ben Stiller movies. I loathe all three of them. Two of them are overrated, and Ben Stiller is... Ben Stiller -no explanation required. Last year I was forced to watch Gwyneth Paltrow in Iron Man. I actually cashed in valuable Airmiles points for free Cineplex Movie Passes just so I didn't have to hand that woman my cash. I was forced to do the same this Christmas with the f*ckery that was The Spirit. Not even Samuel Jackson was worth that sh*t. The only way I could survive Gwyneth's smug self in Iron Man was by visualizing her agent begging to get her in that movie. And she still stood out like a sore thumb. Well the producers of Iron Man hate me. It must be some sort of personal vendetta, because they are putting my least favorite bitches in one movie together. Gwyneth Paltrow AND Scarlett Johansson are co-starring in Iron Man 2: The Rise of the Overrated Actress (I have no idea what it's called, but I'm throwing that title out there). I'm so sneaking into Iron Man 2. Jon Favreau I hate you now. I hate you so much, I hate your kids. And their kids too!

I just realized that my subscription to Entertainment Weekly ran out about two weeks ago, the last copy I received had Slumdog Millionaire on the cover. In these trying economic times, I've chosen not to renew. Which means my broke ass will be standing at Indigo Books this weekend pretending they're a library. Poverty's a bitch. My second favorite ugly-handsome guy, Clive Owen (Daniel Craig's my fave) covers Entertainment Weekly with an incredibly airbrushed Julia Roberts. She looks good though.

Why the hell isn't Tyler Lautner gettin' any love? TEAM JACOB 4VR! GQ Magazine in a desperate attempt to sell copies, courts the tweens. I guess next month it will be Zac Efron's turn? Robert Pattison covers GQ Magazine. Does he even have a movie coming out? What's he promoting? That he's getting ready to film. This is George W Bush's fault. The recession caused this.

People Magazine is confirming that the ultimate Hollywood shomance is no more. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are done. Let's see Oscars over, Marley and Me publicity done, He's Just Not Into Press Junket, done. No need for the pretend boyfriend. What's sad is, John Mayer was the pretend boyfriend. Just when you thought Jennifer Aniston could stoop no lower. But all is well in Malibu Jennifer's world: "Jen is moving on with her life like she always does. She seems happy." A second source says Mayer broke up with Aniston after she returned from Europe. Dumped TWICE by John Mayer. I guess Jennifer did stoop lower.

I heard the song, and I don't get it. The lyrics to "If You Seek Amy" are as follows, "All of the boys and all of the girls are beggin’ to/If You Seek Amy." It doesn't sound like 'f*ck me' to me. Apparently it's supposed to be: "eff-you-see-kay me". Way to much work. Here's the video for the song. This song highlights exactly what I hate about Britney, she didn't even have to show up at the studio to record this. ANYONE could of recorded this, a computer is doing all the work on these vocals. Enjoy.

WICKED WHISPERS: Which newly engaged lesbian would be horrified to discover her main squeeze has been sleeping around ... with men? Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Queen Latifah and Jeanette Jenkins. Jeannette used to be my best friends roommate in university. She used to date men back then. Unfortunately, she was in a horribly abusive relationship, which made me think that's why she turned to the "comfort of women".

Bristol Palin has learned her first major lesson in Teenage Pregnancy 101. Men Don't Stay. Bristol Palin and her fiancé Levi Johnston have broken up, People Magazine has announced. Isn't the kid 3 months old? Usually the guy skips out when the kid learns to talk (and starts asking for sh*t). That's why you have an abortion Bristol, so you're not stuck alone with a whining kid at 3 in the morning, all while trying to finish your homework. I kid, abortions are bad. Besides the tabloids pay the white girls (Bristol and Jamie Lynn) millions of dollars for their first interviews. When your "coloured", no one gives a damn. They don't even offer you a seat at the welfare office. Don't believe me, somebody find me Keisha Castle-Hughes. (Bet you forgot about her didn't you?)

Mandy Moore covers Marie Claire Magazine. And just like her music, movies and marriage news, I could care less.

This is why I could never be in a cult. These kids are old enough to know that they should not be photographed in such ugliness. People Magazine covers 'The Children of the Cult'.Shiloh Jolie Pitt and Suri Cruise get to be friends and hang out. But not Zahara Jolie Pitt. She's too dark to play with those itty bitches. I'm hating on OK Magazine right now. Forced to diet? They can do that? Where the f*ck do I sign up. Katie Holmes scrawniness explained in Life & Style Magazine. Get back with your loser boyfriend and the magazines stop feeling the love. Rihanna loses much of her 'cover shine' this week. In Touch is the only one who cares. Better them than me. Star Magazine wishes. Am I the only one out there who thinks that if Angelina Jolie caught Brad Pit with the Nanny she'd either join them or cut both those bitches?

We don't get LA Confidential Magazine in Toronto, but even from all the way up here we can see that they airbrushed the hell out of Beyonce's body. Where that heffers hips and thighs go?