Blind Vice: Cruella Cashes in While Pawning Her Kids

While Cruella was busy buying herself new boobs, two things happened: 1) She knew she'd never have to worry about the bill, and, 2) she knew it would help her in her life-long mission numero uno: to stay vital, sexy and—most importantly—ahead of the game in the press.

See, media coverage is so important to Cruella, she'll do anything to be portrayed as the sympathetic sexy muffin she most certainly ain't.

She's even stooped low enough to...

Barter her own children!

Yep, absolute fact: Cruella's offspring have not only complained that they will "go to the press" if they get used for any more press (mainly photo ops), but, the mom who makes Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest look like June Friggin' Cleaver also trades information on her kiddies out to journalists, just so they'll write nicer, more wholesome copy about her.

I'm sorry, but, maybe we could give a little breather to the outrage we all feel towards gay actors who intentionally lie about their sexuality, in order to get ahead. 'Cause whoring out your children (ya know, involving others in your hunger for stardom who arguably have no choice in the matter) is just as bad, if not far worse.

Oh, and if you're wondering why one of the many men in Cruella's storied life doesn't swoop in and do something about how she uses her kiddos like magazine-copy currency, well, let's say the one who's best able to (as he's got the deepest pockets and the most fame) is already pretty legally encumbered, and busy, as it is.

Getting those Titanic-sized monthly checks to Cruella is pretty much a Herculean effort in itself, you know. And, girlfriends, does she ever cash them—can't wait to see what St. Shackles' next set of knockers look like!

And It Ain't: Tatum O'Neal, Jada Pinkett Smith, Melanie Griffith

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Are Denise Richard's children old enough to know to "go to the press"?  

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Amy Winehouse actually looks good here. She does! Look again.

Portia DeRossi and her wife Ellen Degeneres. Ellen is totally biting Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's "Montenegro Style".

Ignore the weight loss, when did Ashlee Simpson get a new nose?

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Forget about Angelina Jolie, here at Comic Con promoting SALT, am I the only person who finds Liev Schreiber yummy as all hell.

Sylvester Stallone and...

Bruce Willis and...

Dolph Lundgren (!!!) promote THE EXPENDABLES. And yes while the movie might appear to be a remake of GRUMPY OLD MEN, I still want to see it.  Dolph still has a great face.

MACHETE's Michelle Rodriguez (I love this drunken b*tch) and...

Co-Director Robert Rodriguez also make an appearance. Is anyone going to see MACHETE when it comes out? I am seriously undecided about this one. I want to support Danny Trejo and this predominantly Latino cast, but then there's the Lindsay Lohan factor.

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This very wealthy celeb that is really only famous for being famous, just blew twenty grand in one night of her parent’s money on drugs and partying. Her parents found out and were upset, so they’ve temporarily put a hold on her credit cards. Even though this behavior is outrageous, we think it’s even more crazy she’s still on mommy and daddy’s meal ticket. Not Nicky Hilton.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: I think Kristin Cavallari might still be on her parent's dime.

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My father, a single dad, had the misfortune of having no boys, and truthfully he had no clue what to do with us girls. I remember when I told him I got my period, he told me I had to “be careful”. It’s been YEARS and I still don’t know what the eff that means. But I digress.

Having no boys meant that someone had to learn to hook up the cable, and then the VCR, and then the DVD player. Yes. I’m that old.

Having no boys meant that someone had to sit and watch hockey with him (especially that one playoff season when my older sister set fire to the loveseat while sneaking a smoke and cowardly fled the family home, forcing me to sit every night for a week with my dad in the living room terrified that he would see the huge pit created by the smallish fire).

Having no boys also meant that us girls had to watch every kung fu movie and action flick that played on television until we finally got the second TV.

Because of my dad, I grew up loving action movies. I have a soft spot in my heart for Sly Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis. Even today, my DVD library contains “The Vin Diesel Movie Collection” (don’t bother, I feel no shame), “The Quentin Tarantino Movie Collection”, “The Guy Ritchie Movie Collection” and just about every blockbuster, and action flick from the past decade. I also own just about every Jason Statham movie, along with a healthy sampling of Dwayne Johnson, Will Smith, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and George Clooney. But they aren’t and probably won’t get to be “Collections” -don’t ask me why, it’s a complicated and confidential vetting process.

So with this in mind, on August 13, 2010 there is only one place you’ll find me.

Picture it: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren (Dolph Lundgren!!!!), Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger appearing in a film together, with guns (of course!). And explosions (obviously). Can you believe there are people on this earth who don’t believe there is a God.

THE EXPENDABLES (Lions Gate Films), co-written and directed by Sylvester Stallone (don't worry, like Gwyneth Paltrow and Kevin Costner, he too has an Oscar).

Besides, even if this movie is bad, it’s still going to be good!

"THE EXPENDABLES is about a group of mercenaries hired to infiltrate a South American country and overthrow its ruthless dictator. Once the mission begins, the men realize things are not as they appear, finding themselves caught in a dangerous web of deceit and betrayal. With their mission thwarted and an innocent life in danger, the men struggle with an even tougher challenge one that threatens to destroy this band of brothers."

Okay, so this is Rambo (not the first one) with friends, set in South America. The only way this movie could have been better, is if it Jean-Claude Van Damme was in it. And the only reason Van Damme’s not in it, is because the fool turned down a role!

Of course I know this isn't going to be "high art". But I don't go to the movies to see high art, I go to be entertained! If it is at all possible to have sentimental feelings towards aging movie stars, senseless violence and explosions, then this movie should bring tears to my eyes for reasons other than wasting $12.95. I cannot wait!



Check out the official THE EXPENDABLES website here.

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When Katie Holmes isn't anywhere near him, Tom Cruise is capable of looking like his old self. Well a slightly waxy-Ken-dollish version of his old self, but we're all aging (some people are just  lucky enough to have access to a plastic surgeon).

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz are out promoting KNIGHT AND DAY (still?!) in London.  Tommy does look good here.  If only Tom would get back to doing straight action flicks (not action/comedy -we're tired of laughing at/with you Tommy).

I'm still holding out hope for a Tom Cruise comeback.

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Buttons, dots and a jumpsuit. I think Rihanna and  her stylist are laughing at us now. Although I don't know why I find this f*ckery cute!

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Christina Aguilera released the music video to her power ballad You Lost Me off of her latest album Bionic. I love Christina's voice, but I not a huge fan of power ballads in the summertime. I'm going to keep replaying this track until I love it.... well... as soon as I cop the album or the single...

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The only thing I can say about this video is that my nemisis Tiny makes an appearance at the end. She's openingly mocking me now.

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One of my favorite songs on Eminem's latest album is Love the Way You Lie, Featuring Rihanna. The track is currently sitting at Number 1 on Billboard's Singles Chart (that would make Rihanna's 7th number one single for the record).

Here's a shot from the set of their new video. Rumor has it Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan (LOST, LORD OF THE RINGS) are also featured in the music video.

Rihanna performed in Los Angeles last night and Eminem joined her on stage!! I loved the audience's reaction. I really need to see this boy in concert.

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Cameroon based photographer Mario Epanya went all out in an attempt to get Condé Nast to consider a Vogue Africa edition, creating several "mock" covers featuring regional beauty. For reasons we can only assume, Vogue publisher Condé Nast said "No".

Epanya's work is still impressive.  I love that he embraced the diversity of African beauty.

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Suddenly my day just got a little brighter. Leo DiCaprio covers Rolling Stone magazine. Baby, it's all good. 

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I think Nicky Minaj is one of those people who are great at getting press, but horrible at delivering with talent. She's all smoke and mirrors and no substance. This song and video are weak IMO.

But what I really want to know is, where is this girl getting all of this money to spend on cosmetic surgery?

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I suspect Jennifer Aniston, here debuting her new perfume "Jennifer Aniston" at Harrods in London, is wondering why on earth she signed up to do this.

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I like Justin Bieber as much as the next person. And by "person" I mean your average 30 something. And while I get that Bieber Fever is an epidemic amongst the 10 to 16 year old demographic, I would have thought that forty year old black men would be immune. Apparently not.

Check out Justin Bieber's new ride:
That's right, 16 year old Justin Bieber is the proud owner of a Lamborghini. No, Justin's mother did not lose her mind. This car was a gift from Sean "Diddy" Combs. Yes rich white boys are the new charity of choice amongst the black elite. And you all thought Obama wouldn't bring about change.

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While it's an improvement over her previous mugshots, if Lindsay were truly taking this seriously should would have accepted that this particular shade of blond is not flattering in police photography. Nor should she have let them shoot her 'from above'.
I think her first mugshot, the only one she didn't know she was getting, is her best shot, even though she looks exactly like her mother.

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Normally I like to throw shade at this woman, but I have to admit I'm liking Aniston's airport steeze. I wouldn't be caught dead in it though, my "thigh problem" prohibits me from wearing white jeans, and chunky knits on a chunky girl is so not cute.  But on Aniston, it looks pretty comfortable.

Jennifer Aniston is off to London to hawk her new perfume. Smart move, like Halle Berry, Jennifer is not getting any younger and those roles she keeps playing aren't getting any better, so it's good to get a head start on a QVC career.

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I double dare you. Jessica Simpson has a fashion empire. Do you really want to be owning anything with this woman's name on it?  Jessica Simpson decided to wear this getup out in public. I think she has funhouse mirrors in her home. There can be no other plausible explanation.

The Shoes. Her shoes always make it worse.

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Did your mother ever tell you what to do if you were arrested? My mom did. My mom made it clear that we were not to call her house from a jail. Her hard earned money was not ever going to be put towards bail. She was not ever going to vouch for us. My mother didn't play.

Here Lindsay Lohan is, in the back of a cop car, on her way to jail. I think that this is the first time I've ever seen shame on her face. I might be mistaken though, she could be about to sneeze.

I'm loving the new colour and blow-out she has had done. Lindsay is making sure her new mugshot will be a keeper.

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She can make a garbage bag look good. Rihanna leaves AGO restaurant in West Hollywood.

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Lindsay Lohan is off to jail. No fuss, no muss, no drama. Maybe Lindsay is turning over a new leaf?   Here's hoping her latest mugshot is much more flattering than her previous ones.

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It's July 20th, do you know where Lindsay Lohan is?

Today is D-Day for Lindsay Lohan. This morning at 8:30 AM PST Lindsay is expected to report to court to have her SCRAM bracelet removed so she can start serving 90 days in jail. But last night her latest lawyer Robert Shapiro informed the courts that he is no longer representing Lohan. Shapiro said in a statement that he had agreed to represent Lindsay if she complied with the Judges sentencing -90 days in jail to be followed by 90 days in rehab. Now that he's not representing Lohan, I'm not sure what it means for her 8:30 AM "call time", but at least it will be interesting. Lohan is expected to be represented by Shawn Chapman Holley this morning. Stay tuned...

TMZ is live streaming here.

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Just Asking

Which reality-show diva just returned from what she said was a trip to France looking fresher than ever, leading to whispers she had a face-lift? "Her face is so tight, it's smoother than her teenage daughter's," said our spy . . .
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Countess LuAnn

Which fashionable couple has an open relationship? He openly dates men, and she openly dates women . . .
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Barry Diller and Diane Von Furstenberg

Which pop singer/songwriter legend never tips -- "I know five bartenders personally he stiffed after free drinks," said one source.
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: no clue

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Angelina Jolie brought Brad Pitt to the Los Angeles premiere of SALT last night. I haven't seen Brad looking this yummy in years. Angie looked good too.
How can you hate?

Source: Getty Images via The Daily Mail

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This ungrateful actress is sabotaging her own movie career. She is starting to bad mouth the director and producer of her latest film as well as her costars to everyone who will listen. It will only be a matter of time before something is printed and the married director will see what she is saying about him. Apparently, he made her mad when he suggested a few acting classes might help with her role and she decided to start a rumor on set that the two were sleeping together and have now broken up. She was hoping to stir up some trouble with that rumor and since it’s not working fast enough, she’s now trashing the film itself. Not Megan Fox.


The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Ashley Greene

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I so thought Asians were smarter than this!

Tyrese Gibson (the black guy in the TRANSFORMERS movies -please, he serves no other purpose) is producing a new reality show called K-TOWN. Think JERSEY SHORE, but cast with a bunch of good looking Koreans.

I may actually watch this. Usually it's just black and white folks who humiliate themselves on TV. Progress!

So far I'm feeling Peter and the drunk girl. Nothing like going on national TV to expose yourself as an alcoholic.

Clip: TMZ

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Just Asking

Which diva was at a posh lounge introducing herself to men, "I'm famous, and I'm on a reality TV show. Do you want to get me a drink?" -- to which one guy replied, "I've never heard of you," prompting the surgically enhanced "blonde" to frown and turn in search of her next target?
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Is Tila Tequila still blond?

WHICH rock star can't stand his keyboardist's fiancée? On tour, the singer won't let the former groupie on the band's plane?
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: Maroon 5's Jesse Carmichael and Adam Levine.

WHICH top defense lawyer is having trouble with his wife? The former model/actress goes to various doctors for prescriptions for painkillers, uppers, downers and gets them filled at different pharmacies?
The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: no clue.

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Vampire Blind Vice: Biting Her Way to the Top! Poor Valyrie Tress-Trap, she didn't think anybody was onto her. Isn't it always the way with Hollywood's most ambition, most conniving? They like to convince themselves they're so stealth with their naughty, master plans. Nobody will ever find out! Well, more and more folks are discovering exactly how Valyrie, a member of a highly successful fang franchise, works it off-camera—and that she's been doing so for quite some time. At first, cast and crewmembers just thought it was a coincidence that Val was seen out and about with one or two of the show's hottest stars. But that was before these on-set folks discovered a couple of things: First, Val has actually bedded at least two of the hot vamp show's beautiful leads. We're not talkin' supporting players here, babes. We mean the top names. Second, it's no accident Ms. Tress-Trap happened to get it on with her bloody-TV offering's most famous talent. She planned it from the beginning! Wow, what a total user! You'd think all the attention and fancy Hollywood perks Val got as a result was worth it for her, in the end—I mean, having to sell herself like that? (If you even have to think twice about answering this question, you're reading the wrong gossip column.) This sorry and rather typical way of achieving fame is exactly what people who still toil on the megapopular franchise are just now discovering: that this was Valyrie's whoring plan from the get-go. According to certain knowledgeable, blabbing set sources, VT-T stupidly told one crewmember (who then told a few more): "I'm going to f--k whoever gets me the most famous." Well, points to Valyrie for being honest! Problem is, Tress-Trap—who really is a cold fish, as she convinced her lovely female paramour she's really into chicks, when she's not—doesn't understand why more and more of her castmates are suddenly finding they've got other post-filming places to be that don't usually include her. And the crafty looker is simply flummoxed about what to do about it. She's even thinking of rekindling her original two affairs on the show, just to try and get back in their good graces, among other totally stupid plans...like making a spoof project about their franchise. Silly girl, doesn't she know the spoof's on her? And It Ain't: Anna Kendrick, Anna Paquin, Ashley Greene.

The Gossip Wrap-Up! Guess: TRUE BLOOD's Evan Rachel Wood, Alexander Skarsgard and no clue who the second would be.

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I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but this is sighting 300 of baby Louis Bullock, and still no smile.

Heck, he's looking at his mama like he doesn't know who she is....Okay, maybe Louis is having a stare down with the kid in his mother's glasses, but still, Sandra needs to tickle him when shes out in public.

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